Friday, October 14, 1983
5 second plot: A husband and wife stop getting along and things get out of hand. I'm just making this up because I didn't get past the 15 minute mark.
5 second review: The overacting and outdated scenery drove me crazy. I'm sorry, but for my own safety, I turned it off after 14 minutes. The movie really sucked big time. For me, that is.
IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 0/10
Thursday, July 7, 1983
5 second plot: The guys from Monthy Python give us their take on the meaning of life. They cover everything: birth, education, religion, war, projectile vomiting,...
5 second review: The first half of the movie feels like these nutcases know what they are doing. They really seem to want to get a message out. Hold a mirror in front of us. But then they start fucking around. Probably had a few drinks too many and start throwing crazy shenanigans in our direction. The story stops making any sense. It's like they were testing how far they could take it before someone stopped them. But no-one did. The movie just went out like that. It's fun, but I think it was more fun for them than it is for us.
IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 7/10
Friday, June 17, 1983
5 second plot: The kids from the title are part of a big warm family with a kind grandmother leading them all in the right direction. But not all is good. One of her sons dies and his widow remarries a terrible man that can't keep up his appearances very long and starts to bully her and her children.
5 second review: My god, this movie lasts forever... And nothing really happens in it. The cinematography, sets and some back stories are okay, but for the most part I couldn't stop thinking how incredibly boring and stupid I thought this movie was. There is very little entertainment value. I can't believe this movie won the foreign language Oscar. But I'm glad I sat through it. However stupid I thought it was, it's still a classic must see.
IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 2/10
Friday, May 20, 1983
5 second plot: A spaceship explodes, three woman survive in an escape pod, they crash land and are kidnapped by the locals. Interstellar adventurer Wolff goes after them, to the rescue, but mostly for the reward. He picks up a local girl who shows him the way.
5 second review: This entire movie is one big horrible visual effect. Why bother making a sci-fi movie if you don't have any idea what you're doing?
IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 0/10
Friday, February 4, 1983
5 second plot: A beautiful young woman is brutally raped by an invisible entity. Is she losing her mind or is this thing for real?
5 second review: This movie grabs you by the throat from the get go and doesn't let go until the end credits roll. It's gruesome to see this woman being tormented but it's brilliantly filmed and portrayed. Special kudos to the sound mixer: this guy is intense.
IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 9/10