Saturday, March 30, 2013

Orphan Black Season 1

5 second plot: Sarah finds out she is one of who knows how many clones. And someone is out to kill her and her 'sisters'. So she starts looking for answers. But only finds more questions.

5 second review: It is very strange that a show this good and this appealing stayed under everyone's radar for a complete season. It's a very interesting subject, it's exceptionally well acted (mostly by the same actress, since, you know, the whole 'cloning' thing) and the story simply speaks to the imagination.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, March 29, 2013

The Place Beyond the Pines is too long

5 second plot: A guy finds out that he's got a one year old son. Because he has no money to support his 'family' he starts robbing banks. While doing so, he (briefly) meets a cop. This cops blows the whistle on a couple of crooked cops and becomes assistant DA. 15 years later his son runs into the son of the previous guy.

5 second review: It starts off with a bang but then comes to a full stop filled with boring talks and awkward family-moments. In the third part it gets even worse. Why is this movie 2 hours and 20 minutes long? Who figured that out? How many movies are this in one? And please not a word about the crazy coincidence, I'll fucking blow.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 2/10

The Host

2 second plot: The people of planet earth have been taken over by alien souls. There are only a few real humans left.

2 second review: Not for hardcore sci-fi fans. This is a soft alien story. A very beautiful one, but the two voices in her head almost drove me mad.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 7,5/10
Box Office Mojo: 48 mio $ worldwide (on 21-05-2013) and counting

Thursday, March 28, 2013

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is wet cardboard

5 second plot: The G.I. Joes are blown to smithereens. Only a few of them remain. They have to stop an evil Cobra plot to destroy the world. And clear their name.

5 second review: The characters are great, the action is solid, the chase and fight scenes are decent, but the story... is nothing more than cardboard. Wet cardboard. Very wet. And it even falls apart during the film. But then Bruce Willis makes a spot on joke about his cholesterol and it's all good.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 6,5/10
Box Office Mojo: 372 mio $ worldwide (on 14-09-2013)

Kiss of the Damned has got some up-sides

5 second plot: A vampire finds the love of her life. Everything seems to be perfect but then her out of control sister comes over and it all changes.

5 second review: This isn't the best made vampire movie, but it's got some decent moments. Most of the gory scenes are nicely done and I must say I am also a fan of the steamy scenes. Wink.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 4/10

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Welcome to the Punch

5 second plot: Cop gets shot in the leg by a super smart bad guy. Now, after a couple of years the bad guy is back but a lot has changed and only a fine line seems to remain between good and bad.

5 second review: A pretty smart police thriller with excellent performances. But personally I prefer the invincible cop-story.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 7/10
Box office mojo: 7.000 $ worldwide (on 01-06-2013)

Friday, March 22, 2013

Olympus Has Fallen

5 second plot: The White House is overrun by heavily armed and very smart North Korean terrorists. It's up to Gerard Butler to save the day.

5 second review: This is a very spectacular testosterone fueled action movie. The story is not very clever but the action keeps your eyes on the ball.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 8/10
Box Office Mojo: 161 mio $ worldwide (on 14-07-2013)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Spring Breakers

5 second plot: Four girls want to escape their dull town and go on spring break. But they have no money. So they rob a diner. And off they go. Once there, they meet a real life bad ass gangsta and team up with him.

5 second review: This is a really shitty movie. It's a miracle I made it to the end. It's all good if your prime objective is to see naked young women, though.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 3/10
Box office mojo: 32 mio $ worldwide

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Holy Ghost People does not have a lot to tell

5 second plot: Charlotte goes looking for her sister in a remote church community where they use poisonous snakes to test their love for Jesus. She asks a new made friend to accompany her. Somehow they are sucked into a whole lot of trouble.

5 second review: There is not very much story to tell here, but it somehow seems to be just enough to fill a movie with. It's well made and well acted, no complaints there, but it not very interesting.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 4/10

Friday, March 8, 2013

Awful Nice is a lot of the same

5 second plot: Two brothers inherit their late father's lake house and decide to fix up the place before selling it. The only problem is that they fight all the time and one of them is completely nuts.

5 second review: Did I somehow not see the bear in this movie? There is a bear on the poster, but there isn't one in the movie. Unless I missed it somehow. The story is sometimes funny, sometimes annoying. It's often too much of the same for too long.

IMDb score: 5,1/10
Our score: 5/10

Friday, March 1, 2013


5 second plot: India's father dies on her 18th birthday. Not long after his tragic death, his brother arrives, India's uncle. India and her mother are swept off their feet by his charming personality. But something doesn't feel right.

5 second review: This is a very strange but really intriguing film. If you put a film like this in the wrong hands, it would be extremely boring and annoying. Lucky for us it was not in the wrong hands.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 8/10
Box Office Mojo: 9 mio $ (on 10-08-2013)

Jack the Giant Slayer

5 second plot: Jack is a poor farmer that finds some magic beans on his path. The beans get wet and grow up to the sky, where the giants live. It's up to Jack to save the day (and the princess) and slay some giants while he is at it.

5 second review: The giants are really poorly made, it's a children's story but it's not really for children, it's funny but often plain stupid, the only thing that holds up is the love story. Yawn.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 5/10
Box office mojo: 198 mio $ worldwide (on 04-06-2013)