Sunday, May 28, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 5: Lemon Scented You


















5 second plot: Shadow's got a couple of questions for his dead wife. Their talk is interrupted when Shadow and Wednesday are called for a meeting with Mr. World. Mad Sweeney tries to get his coin back but he's out of luck.

5 second review: What a glorious cast. The story slowly begins to unfold. I'm happy Shadow is there to keep the show grounded and to point out the fact that we're seeing some weird shit.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 8,5/10


Thursday, May 25, 2017

Wonder Woman ain't afraid of no accent

















5 second plot: It's the origin story of Wonder Woman. From her time as a child and her training to become a warrior to her first big battle in the real world.

5 second review: It feels painfully wrong to set a light (and silly) story in a horrible and serious time period. But I guess: thank God Wonder Woman was there to stop WWI. I hate it when a big budget movie has Germans speaking English with a German accent because they think we're too stupid to read subtitles. Especially when they try very hard to ground the movie in the real world. Speaking of accents: as a child Diana speaks perfect American English, but as she grows older she develops a heavy accent. What's up with that? I'll stop complaining now and end on an important positive note: Gal Gadot is PERFECT as Wonder Woman.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 8/10


Baywatch is terrible fun














5 second plot: Three new recruits are training to be a Baywatch lifeguard. When the team discovers that a criminal mastermind (actually just a bad Bond villain wannabee) is trying to take over the bay, the training is put on hold.

5 second review: What can I say. It's a whole lot of bullshit. And the shit-pile gets bigger and bigger until it eventually gets too big and collapses under its own weight. But still, I laughed my ass off and actually had a fun time watching it. That says more about me than about the movie.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 6,5/10


Sunday, May 21, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 4: Git Gone
















5 second plot: It's the origin story of Shadow and his wife. And how she came back from being dead.

5 second review: This is a pretty cool episode. With some pretty interesting ideas about life and death. And body-parts (f)lying around. And blood gushing all over the place. And an awesome display of a guy who gets kicked in the nuts so hard, he splits in half while his spine and skull fly out of the top of his body. If that isn't cool I don't know what is.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 9,5/10


Friday, May 19, 2017

Alien: Covenant does not hold back

















5 second plot: A spaceship carrying lots of sleeping colonists on their way to a new home gets hit by a blast of idontknowwhat. The crew wakes up, repairs the damage and picks up a recording of someone singing a John Denver song. Which is weird because they are the first humans there. So they investigate. Bad move.

5 second review: The horror is very good (critters crawling out of humans galore), the aliens are pretty good too (especially the last one), the science fiction (spaceships) is incredible, but somehow something didn't feel right. I think it's the fact that it's not really about the aliens.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 7,5/10


Sunday, May 14, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 3: Head Full of Snow 


















5 second plot: A woman dies, Shadow gets another chance at life, Wednesday is robbing a bank, Mad Sweeney is out of luck, a guy in New York has sex with his cab driver who's got flames coming out of his eyes.

5 second review: Well that's something you don't see every day: two bearded Arab guys fucking while one of them's got flames coming out of his eye sockets. And I probably missed the whole symbolism point they were trying to make (it seems that when he comes inside this other dude's butt his flame gets passed on? I don't know) because I was to busy thinking: MAKE IT STOOOOOOP!

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 9/10