Friday, September 30, 2016

Deepwater Horizon is very spectacular

5 second plot: This is the story of the people who were working on the oil platform Deepwater Horizon on the night it exploded.

5 second review: I didn't always understand the technical specifics or the politics behind everything but I do know that this is a very tense and extremely spectacular disaster movie. When this thing starts to blow, and you already know upfront it will, there's no stopping it. It's like a big unstoppable monster.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children is definitely a long title

5 second plot: After his grandfather dies, Jake starts looking for answers to several riddles his grandfather left him with. He ends up in the house of Miss Peregrine. This house is filled with children that have peculiar abilities.

5 second review: It's a Tim Burton movie alright: peculiar, playful, dark,... Filled with beautifully crafted creatures and some great nods to his heroes (like a Ray Harryhausen skeleton battle). It's a nice adventure story. A peculiar one. It's good entertainment, but I wouldn't call it 'great'. It didn't blow me away.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Luke Cage Season 1 Episode 1-2 is a cool start

5 second plot: Luke Cage is an indestructible (as in: bullets can't hurt him) super strong guy who is trying to find his place in the world. In this first two episodes he tries to help his friend Pops make the neighborhood a better place to live in (a little bit).

5 second review: Mike Colter certainly has the physique to make us believe he is truly indestructible. This show looks cool, sounds cool and moves cool. Lots of awesome stuff is bound to happen, but the pace is so slow I don't know if I will have the patience to sit through 11 more episodes.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2 Episode 1-5 is a whole lot of gory fun

5 second plot: Ash and co go back to his hometown to help Ruby with the evil book. Ash gets pulled into a dead person's poop hole. The book turns Ash's car wicked evil. Ruby kills her offspring. Bad choices are made. Which brings Baal to town. He turns everyone against each other.

5 second review: More blood. More nasty stuff. More fun. The over the top gore is wicked awesome and the dialogue is hilarious. But the one that really steals the show is the Delta, Ash's beloved (but possessed) car.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Exorcist Season 1 Episode 1: Chapter One: And Let My Cry Come Unto Thee

5 second plot: Demons are coming to Father Tomas's town. And he's not having it. He doesn't have the necessary skills to take on these evil entities. But when he dreams about Father Marcus, a very skilled (but broken) exorcist, he realizes that if they team up they might have a fighting chance.

5 second review: This first episode is very much a starting point. We get a little bit of background information but nothing really happens yet. We do get a taste of what these priests will be going up against. And it looks like the demons mean business.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 7/10

The Magnificent Seven is no fun at all

5 second plot: Seven brave men try to help a small town get rid of an evil man. The odds are not in their favor.

5 second review: I think too many big egos flocked together for this movie. Not one of them seems to be having the slightest bit of fun. The body-count is ridiculous. I like a good fight, but this is too much. The whole thing is one big bummer.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 2/10

Friday, September 16, 2016

ARQ is a decent mystery thriller

5 second plot: The world has gone to shit. There's no food and no electricity. But Renton has built an energy source that can produce unlimited power. Of course, the bad guys are after this machine. A side effect of the unlimited power is that the machine causes time to loop. This gives Renton a chance to fight back.

5 second review: I figured this would be a terribly repetitive movie (with the time looping and all), but it isn't. It's not the kind of movie that will put a smile on your face: it's pretty dark grey. But it's a decent mystery thriller with a couple of nice twists and turns.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 7/10

Blair Witch is same old same old but scary as hell

5 second plot: The brother of the girl that went missing in the first movie goes looking for her. In the same forest. Not very smart...

5 second review: It might not be the most original or surprising take on the subject, but it still scared the shit out of me. I'm not going near the woods anytime soon. And I'm probably not sleeping for a week. And I would rather not be alone in the dark anymore please.

IMDb score: 5,1/10
Our score: 7/10

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

American Honey is not for me

5 second plot: Star (that's the lead character's name) runs away from (a shitty) home and joins a group of traveling youngsters that sell magazines. And party hard. And are pretty messed up.

5 second review: This movie feels like a stretched out home made YouTube video. I don't think there was a lot of material to work with (like a script). But they managed to make a 2 h 45 m movie out of it. Maybe these slow and boring home movies are just not for me. IMDb seems to like it (a bit).

IMDb score: 7,1/10
Our score: 1/10

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Van Helsing Season 1 Episode 1: Help Me

5 second plot: It's 2019. The world has been overrun by vampires. A mysterious woman wakes up in a hospital guarded by the military. She doesn't know what she's doing there. The soldier that's guarding her doesn't know either. But she seems to have a certain 'effect' on vampires.

5 second review: The vampires look like vampire-zombie hybrids possessed by a demon. Does that sound cool? It's not. Neither is this first episode.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 0/10

Friday, September 2, 2016

Morgan shows off too little

5 second plot: Lee is on a risk evaluation assignment at a secret remote location where scientists created a new species, a sort of superhuman named Morgan. Lee needs to assess whether it's a good idea to proceed with the project or to terminate it.

5 second review: They don't show enough superhuman tricks, stay in the same boring surroundings too much and it all feels like I've seen it before (in Ex Machina). But although there are a lot of missed opportunities I do like what Anya Taylor-Joy does with the part. She crawls under your skin.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 7/10