Sunday, June 11, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 7: A Prayer for Mad Sweeney 

5 second plot: As Laura and Mad Sweeney are trying to catch up with Shadow and Wednesday we get a little bit of an origin story of Mad. Set in a different time.

5 second review: This is the kind of episode I would make if I suddenly realized I didn't have enough material to make the number of episodes I promised I would make. It adds little to nothing to the storyline and isn't very interesting.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, June 4, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 6: A Murder of Gods

5 second plot: Shadow's (still dead) wife, the taxi driver and Mad Sweeney go on a road trip. The original plan is to go in Shadow's direction, but somehow they decide to go somewhere else first. Wednesday tries to find allies (other Gods (I'm just guessing)) for the upcoming war (what war? I don't know). This time he visits an old friend with a big love for guns.

5 second review: Not very much happens in this episode. There are a couple of (quick, but) spectacular deaths. And Mad Sweeney is on a roll. So still enough to make watching this episode worth wile but kick up the pace, pretty please.

IMDb score: 7,8/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Friday, June 2, 2017

The Big Bang Theory Season 10 Episode 13-24 is a perfect mix

5 second plot: Spoiler alert! The guys continue working on their guidance system. But the military ends up screwing them over. Raj can't afford his apartment anymore and temporarily moves in with Penny and Leonard. Bernadette and Howard have a difficult time taking Halley to daycare for the first time. Amy has to leave town for a couple of months. Immediately Sheldon gets hit on by another woman. He takes a drastic decision.

5 second review: I don't know how they do it, but they figured out a secret formula to perfectly mix classic comedy stuff with groundbreaking new craziness. Like Stewart running into Bernadette and Howard's room with a barb wired baseball bat to save them.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Sunday, May 28, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 5: Lemon Scented You

5 second plot: Shadow's got a couple of questions for his dead wife. Their talk is interrupted when Shadow and Wednesday are called for a meeting with Mr. World. Mad Sweeney tries to get his coin back but he's out of luck.

5 second review: What a glorious cast. The story slowly begins to unfold. I'm happy Shadow is there to keep the show grounded and to point out the fact that we're seeing some weird shit.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Wonder Woman ain't afraid of no accent

5 second plot: It's the origin story of Wonder Woman. From her time as a child and her training to become a warrior to her first big battle in the real world.

5 second review: It feels painfully wrong to set a light (and silly) story in a horrible and serious time period. But I guess: thank God Wonder Woman was there to stop WWI. I hate it when a big budget movie has Germans speaking English with a German accent because they think we're too stupid to read subtitles. Especially when they try very hard to ground the movie in the real world. Speaking of accents: as a child Diana speaks perfect American English, but as she grows older she develops a heavy accent. What's up with that? I'll stop complaining now and end on an important positive note: Gal Gadot is PERFECT as Wonder Woman.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, May 21, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 4: Git Gone

5 second plot: It's the origin story of Shadow and his wife. And how she came back from being dead.

5 second review: This is a pretty cool episode. With some pretty interesting ideas about life and death. And body-parts (f)lying around. And blood gushing all over the place. And an awesome display of a guy who gets kicked in the nuts so hard, he splits in half while his spine and skull fly out of the top of his body. If that isn't cool I don't know what is.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, May 19, 2017

Alien: Covenant does not hold back

5 second plot: A spaceship carrying lots of sleeping colonists on their way to a new home gets hit by a blast of idontknowwhat. The crew wakes up, repairs the damage and picks up a recording of someone singing a John Denver song. Which is weird because they are the first humans there. So they investigate. Bad move.

5 second review: The horror is very good (critters crawling out of humans galore), the aliens are pretty good too (especially the last one), the science fiction (spaceships) is incredible, but somehow something didn't feel right. I think it's the fact that it's not really about the aliens.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Sunday, May 14, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 3: Head Full of Snow 

5 second plot: A woman dies, Shadow gets another chance at life, Wednesday is robbing a bank, Mad Sweeney is out of luck, a guy in New York has sex with his cab driver who's got flames coming out of his eyes.

5 second review: Well that's something you don't see every day: two bearded Arab guys fucking while one of them's got flames coming out of his eye sockets. And I probably missed the whole symbolism point they were trying to make (it seems that when he comes inside this other dude's butt his flame gets passed on? I don't know) because I was to busy thinking: MAKE IT STOOOOOOP!

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 9/10

Sunday, April 30, 2017

American Gods Season 1 Episode 1-2 is impressive

5 second plot: Shadow (cool name huh) has just been released from prison. On his way to his wife's funeral (who died in a car crash with his best friend's private parts in her mouth) he is offered a job by Wednesday. A guy who seems to have been around for a while. And who seems to attract the kind of crowd that gets Shadow beaten up all the time.

5 second review: And I forgot about Vikings chopping each utter to pieces (parts flying around the screen) and a woman who 'absorbs' people in her vagina. I shit you not, it's that kind of TV show. Oh, and a buffalo with fire shooting out of his eyes. It's visually impressive but it looks like style over content so I wasn't going to pursue this further than 2 episodes. But goddamned I want to know what happens next.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 9/10

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 is lots of fun

5 second plot: The Guardians try to help where they can in the Galaxy. When Rocket does something stupid they get into a whole lot of trouble. Also in this volume: Peter meets his dad. And Baby Groot is growing up and learning from the best.

5 second plot: There isn't much of a story. We're just following the Guardians around as they go about their business. There are a lot more tears and touchy-feely moments in this second volume and that's not really my thing. But there's also much more humor. It's not always smart or sophisticated, but there's something about these characters that make me laugh my ass off. So I had a lot of fun.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, April 2, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 16: The First Day of the Rest of Your Life 

5 second plot: Complete SPOILER ahead! Dwight (Negan's top guy) convinces Rick and his crew that he wants to switch sides. Alexandria prepares to attack Negan on the next visit. But they get double crossed by the all-dressed-in-black-fuckers (I knew it!). Alexandria narrowly escapes the wrath of Negan thanks to the Kingdom and the Hilltop.

5 second review: Will this Negan nightmare never end? I guess not. It's a very emotional and tense episode. But the final battle is confusing and doesn't seem to add up. And as a final note on the season: it felt like every episode was produced by an entirely different crew. I'm not too fond of this 'let's try something different every episode' style.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 7/10

Friday, March 31, 2017

Ghost in the Shell is very cool

5 second plot: A young woman's brain is successfully transplanted into a mechanical body. The result is a bad ass soldier called 'Major'. On one of her missions she encounters a mysterious hacker. This encounter leads to her questioning her own existence.

5 second review: Scarlett looks awesome, the hacker is cool, the world looks the way it should look (in my opinion), the cybertech shit and stuff is solid and the action is good. There could have been a little bit more action and little less walking around though. And there's some seriously shitty CGI in the final showdown.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10

T2 Trainspotting is good but not great

5 second plot: Renton returns to his home town after 20 years and catches up with his old pals. They are all doing great. And they're very happy to see him. Not.

5 second review: Flashy images: check; noisy soundtrack: check; bleak British colors: check. This is a good update (especially the first encounters of Renton with his pals) but some things feel like a sad attempt to be great again (the 'chose life' update for instance). 

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 7/10

Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 15: Something They Need

5 second plot: Tara tells Rick where he can find lots of guns. The gang tries to take the guns peacefully (sounds funny huh). Sasha is Negan's prisoner. He wants her to join him. She says 'yes' too easily so he doesn't buy it. Maggie needs to watch out for the leader of the Hilltop what's-his-name. He's bad news.

5 second review: Did I miss an episode where Tara was trying to decide what to do? She promised she wouldn't tell anyone about the hidden group. I didn't really know where they were going with it at first but I loved the Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-zombies. They were there to make us not hate Rick for stealing the guns from a weaker group. Because now he saved them ya know... Too bad the group-name 'Saviors' is already taken.

IMDb score: 7,8/10
Our score: 7/10

Friday, March 24, 2017

Life sure is scary

5 second plot: Scientists orbiting earth examine a microscopic lifeform from Mars. It's all going very well. Until they piss it off.

5 second review: This movie is not a pleasant watch. You know what's going to happen from the get go. And you really don't want it to happen. And then all of a sudden you realize it's even worse than you thought. And then... it gets worse. The alien life form is not always as impressive as I had hoped, but the movie sure is scary.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 7/10

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 14: The Other Side

5 second plot: Sasha, Rosita and their big ass gun are going to try to take out Negan. The Saviors visit the Hilltop. They've come for the doctor, since Negan threw their last one in the stove.

5 second review: It's not easy to keep a TV series interesting for 7 seasons. This episode sure does make that clear. I was wondering why Sasha was mourning so hard, but now I remembered that she was with what's his name. The Saviors came for the doctor with 50 men (approx.). Why so many? That doesn't make sense. They wanted us to think they came looking for Daryl probably. Well, congrats, you fooled me.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, March 12, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 13: Bury Me Here

5 second plot: Carol is homesick for Alexandria. The Saviors piss the King off. So I guess he will join the fight (surprise surprise). Morgan loses his shit.

5 second review: Everyone's acting like it's a surprise the Kingdom will join the fight. But we all knew it was going to happen. The Saviors were going to do something unforgivable so the King could change his mind. I just feel like the writers could have made it a bit more interesting. I think they are running out of juice.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Friday, March 10, 2017

Kong: Skull Island is too much

5 second plot: A team of scientists, soldiers and monster hunters (and a photographer (they just needed an excuse to bring Brie Larson along on their trip)) want to go explore a newly discovered island. But the big creatures on this island want to eat them for breakfast.

5 second review: I don't like it when they try to explain the things happening in a movie like this scientifically. It's a monster movie, man. We'll just go with the flow. However, in this case everything is so overly exaggerated that it's simply too much. There's big and there's too big. Also, make up your mind about which emotion you want us to go along with: one minute dead people are flying around, the next there's a picknick. Anyway: thank God they brought Brie Larson to the party.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 3/10

Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 12: Say Yes

5 second plot: Rick and Michonne are out camping. They are venturing far and away and eventually strike gold. They find the guns they need to give to the crazy all-in-black group who will help them take on the saviors. But apparently they'll need more guns. TARA KNOWS WHERE TO FIND MORE GUNS. Rosita is tired of waiting and is going to go for it. Maybe. Probably.

5 second review: If Michonne doesn't stop smiling I'm gonna stop watching. I'm sorry but I just can't take it. I seriously do NOT like the all-in-black team. They are too phoney, they look like they come from another universe. What was up with the fucked up CGI deer? Did anyone else see this? They couldn't get a real deer?

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 7/10

Friday, March 3, 2017

Logan doesn't fuck around

5 second plot: In the near future (2029 or something like that) Logan (aka the Wolverine, but you knew that) is hiding together with Professor X. He's losing his powers and getting weaker every day. He ends up on the radar of an evil organization when a mutant girl with powers like him escapes.

5 second review: Wow, I wasn't expecting an all out brutal Wolverine like this! What a treat! (If you're into body parts (especially heads) being chopped off and all that.) I prefer seeing a Wolverine in top shape but I guess this is a story that needed to be told. You can tell Hugh Jackman invested a lot emotionally in this movie. The final showdown is legendary.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Sunday, February 26, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 11: Hostiles and Calamities

5 second plot: Eugene gets a nice room in Negan's place and he even gets to show the wives a good time. Dwight is blamed for Daryl's escape, since his ex-wife is also missing.

5 second review: Not a lot happens in this episode. We get some more information about Negan's organisation. I could feel the seeds being planted for future adventures (and future side-switches). Comic book knowledge spoiler alert: in the comics Daryl and Dwight become Rick's top assets.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, February 24, 2017

Get Out will make your skin crawl

5 second plot: Chris is meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. They're nice people, but something's fishy. It comes down to this: GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW! MOVE IT!

5 second review: This is a well made, good casted (the best friend steals the show though), tense, mysterious, weird movie with a crazy conclusion. There's a slow building (but very present) racist undertone that will make your skin crawl.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 7/10
Metacritic: 84/100

Sunday, February 19, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 10: New Best Friends

5 second plot: Some of the warriors of the Kingdom are sick of being bullied by the Saviors. Daryl finds out that Carol is in the neighborhood. In the last seconds of the previous episode Rick and co were captured by an all-dressed-in-black-too-cool-for-school-team. He tries to convince them to join him in his fight against the Saviors.

5 second review: I don't like the new group Rick just found. It felt a bit like I was watching Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. It's too much of a coincidence to find a big group with bad asses who are willing to fight (and are expendable). All they want is lots of guns. And we already know where they are going to get them. Remember the forest women? Also too obvious. Wouldn't it be easier to stick to the comic-book storyline?

IMDb score: 8,7/10
Our score: 6/10

Friday, February 17, 2017

The Great Wall is kind of stupid

5 second plot: Matt Damon and another dude are looking for gunpowder near China. They end up helping the Chinese defend the Great Wall against monsters. For real.

5 second review: It wasn't smart to play this dead serious and even refer to real cultural and historical elements and then screw it up on every level. It makes this movie look really silly. The effects are the only thing that could have made it watchable but even they are surprisingly bad. Look at that ridiculous monster! They must have forgotten the eyes and just randomly put them somewhere.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 0/10

Sunday, February 12, 2017

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 9: Rock in the Road

5 second plot: Rick tries to form an alliance with the Hilltop and the Kingdom to take on the Saviors together. He also tries to get a read on what they'll be up against and tries to arm up as much as possible. Not everything goes as planned. What did you expect?

5 second review: I like this. Meeting new people. Sizing up the enemy. Playing it smart. Also in this episode: maybe the coolest zombie-slashfest EVER.

IMDb score: 87,7/10
Our score: 9,5/10