Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 11: Knots Untie

5 second plot: Jesus takes Rick and co to his place: The Hilltop. It's a community much like Alexandria, but with more food. Maggie negotiates a deal with the leader of the Hilltop, Gregory. The deal is: Rick and co take out bully Negan and his gang, and Gregory gives them half of their stuff.

5 second review: This Gregory is one major dickhead now isn't he? Jesus. No offence, Jesus. Rick and his people play it a little bit too rough. They just walk in there and take half of everything these poor people have. They don't know yet that Negan is one bad-ass motherf...r. They are going to get their asses whooped, that's for sure.

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, February 26, 2016

Triple 9 is one tough SOB

5 second plot: A team of crooks and crooked cops have to pull off a mission: impossible for the Russian mob. In order to have enough time to pull off the job, they plan to shoot a cop, which will trigger a police code 999, which will have every cop in town going in the direction of the cop shooting (instead of in their direction).

5 second review: This is one hard boiled, tough as nails, gritty cop/heist thriller. It's one of those films where you suddenly realize what you've been missing at the movies lately. A couple of cojones, that's what.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 9/10

Eddie the Eagle is amazing

5 second plot: Eddie's big dream is to go to the Olympics. But he's not very good at sports. Not good enough to be an Olympic athlete anyway. But then he figures out that if he takes on ski jumping, he will be the only one contending for Great Britain and that means that he can go to the Winter Olympics. If he overcomes all the obstacles that are put in his path. Like: not breaking his neck.

5 second review: This is a great true story about dreaming the dream and never ever ever ever giving up to get to where you want to be. With an amazing performance by Taron Egerton.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 9/10

Thursday, February 25, 2016

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 17: The Celebration Experimentation

5 second plot: The gang celebrates Sheldon's birthday. He's not used to all this attention and freaks out a little bit.

5 second review: Is Sheldon quitting the show? He's not dying, is he? This entire episode feels like one big goodbye party. It's fun, but not really.

IMDb score: 7,1/10
Our score: 6/10

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Gods of Egypt is ludicrous

5 second plot: When an evil god takes the Egyptian throne, it's up to a young thief (one of the good guys) to help the rightful heir to the throne (also one of the good guys) get his eyeballs back (yes, you did read that correctly; there's even an eyeball on the poster: go look for it) and restore peace in their country.

5 second review: This movie is all about the (computer generated) spectacle. There's nothing else to it. The effects are often decent, but I couldn't help noticing I had a stupid smile on my face the entire time. Because it all looks really ridiculous. For instance the fact that humans are a lot smaller than gods. It looks a lot like an Exodus: Gods and Kings spoof, only it isn't. And that's painfully sad.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 3/10

Monday, February 22, 2016

The X Files Season 10 Episode 6: My Struggle II

5 second plot: Mulder goes missing. Scully finds out that everyone is going to die. Thanks to the chain-smoking dude.

5 second review: Huh? I thought this was a stand alone 6-episode event. But - spoiler alert - it ends in a cliffhanger. That's not cool. The episode feels like a rushed version of the movie Outbreak. Remember that one? The one with the deadly virus. Nothing new, nothing like the X Files I remember, not the new X Files I would like to remember.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, February 21, 2016

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 10: The Next World

5 second plot: We fast forward a little bit. Carl is alright (minus one eye though). Rich and Daryl ride out to search for food. They find Jesus (really). They also find a truck filled with food, but it ends up on the bottom of a lake. Diana's son what's-his-name finds his zombie mother. And Rick and Michonne do the honky tonk.

5 second review: I'm glad to see Jesus. He's an awesome character in the comics. It's good to see everyone catching a break (a bit). They sure can use the rest, because there's a shit storm coming, that's for sure.

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, February 19, 2016

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale is not very uplifting

5 second plot: In old New England a god fearing family has to try and build a new life far away from their community after they are banned from it. They build their new farm next to a forest. They don't know that an evil witch lives in that forest. And she's not too fond of her new neighbors.

5 second review: At a certain point in the movie I was afraid it was going towards a dead end. You know, you're expecting something big, but it never comes. Boy, was I wrong. This film certainly delivers on its promises. If you're looking for an uplifting night out, stay away from this one. If you're looking for a disturbed dark fairy tale, you're in for a treat.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny will not be long remembered

5 second plot: An evil lord is looking for a very special green sword. It's up to our good heroes to make sure he doesn't get his hands on it.

5 second review: This second movie is not like the first one. It's also an old school martial arts film, but that's about the only thing both movies have in common. This second one is not horrible though: it's got some good characters and good fighting, but it just doesn't feel as 'authentic' as the first one. And it's very weird that it's in English. It feels like it's dubbed, but it's not.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 6/10

Thursday, February 18, 2016

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 16: The Positive Negative Reaction

5 second plot: Bernadette tells Howard that she's pregnant. Howie is happy, but he still freaks out. They tell the gang, Sheldon gets drunk; everyone sings the karaoke.

5 second review: It's not a spectacularly funny episode. But it's still okay.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Friday, February 12, 2016

Deadpool rules!

5 second plot: Wade Wilson is an ex-special forces soldier who transforms into an unkillable, but very likable mercenary with a big mouth after they experiment on him to cure him from cancer. He helps the innocent (but also sometimes probably accidentally kills one) and punishes (let's say: kills) bad guys.

5 second review: I laughed my ass off. The entire theater laughed his or her ass off. The crowd simply went wild. That doesn't happen very often. It's brilliantly funny.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 10/10

How to Be Single is lots of fun

5 second plot: Alice realizes she has never been single her whole life. She decides to give it a try. So she takes 'a break' from boyfriend Josh and moves to New York. In NY she mingles with a bunch of other singles. And single life is great. Or is it?

5 second review: What do you get when you put a bunch of very talented funny people together in a movie? Yessir, that's right. Jackpot. This is a really funny, relaxed, entertaining romantic comedy. But there's the catch: you have to be into romantic comedies. If you're not: you're probably not going to like it.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Nina Forever is something you don't see every day

5 second plot: Get this. Every time Rob has sex his dead girlfriend reappears all smashed up and covered in blood (she died in a car crash). His new girlfriend Holly is shocked at first (who wouldn't) but tries to make the 'situation' work.

5 second review: How in earth does one get to make a movie with a plot summary like that? Imagine being the one that has to pitch this idea. The movie is not bad but it relies entirely on this crazy plot. And there's just not enough material to fill an entire movie with. So towards the end it spirals a little bit out of control.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 6/10

Friday, February 5, 2016

Hail, Caesar! is no fun at all

5 second plot: This is an inside peak in the life of a studio big shot, in the time when the studio dictated the law, while he tries to deal with the kidnapping of his biggest star by communist writers.

5 second review: I guess it was probably a fun thing to do for all the people involved in the making of the movie. You know, make a movie about a glorious but also not always politically correct period of the movies. But as a viewer (as in: not involved in the making of the movie) I was bored shitless.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 2/10