The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 9: What Happened and What's Going On

5 second plot: Our favorite survivors are not happy campers. They are grieving over the loss of Beth. Noah was going to take Beth to a place in Virginia where there are walls surrounding a small community. The team splits up and takes the long trip to this place with their hopes up high, looking for a new place. But as usual, things do not go as planned.

5 second review: They're still not catching a break. And looking at the preview of next episode, there's still no light at the end of the tunnel. I think we need a change. And I'm not talking about a change like the new experimental style of editing (didn't enjoy that, really), but I'm talking about letting them catch a break. The episode is shit-your-pants scary and tense and the visuals are awesome. This weeks special: chopped up zombies (more on that in the next episodes I presume).

IMDb score: 9,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Maps to the Stars is pretty weird

5 second plot: This is a story about life in Hollywood. We've got an actress who wants to play the part her mother played years ago. And there is a family who's major source of income is their young son's acting career. As the stories intertwine we find out that everyone is fucking nuts without any breaks or any awareness of common decency.

5 second review: There's a lot of crazy celebrity stuff and a lot of talking. The talking gets boring fast.  It's a bit much of the same. The performances are really good. And you can feel there's an experienced filmmaker at work: it's a fun movie to look at. But as I said: boring. We must also issue a nasty penis alert at the 26 minute marker. I just can't get used to that.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 5,5/10

The Voices is one strange little f...er

5 second plot: Jerry is a shy, weird guy with serious mental problems. His cat and dog talk to him. He falls in love with a beautiful woman at work. When she doesn't show up on their first date, she gets to meet the real Jerry.

5 second review: I didn't see this one coming one bit. This is one hell of a dark comedy. I was getting really annoyed with the Jerry character at first, because it's a bit much. But after 25 minutes this movie gets really interesting. If you like your humor pitch black, you really can't miss this one. It's best to go in without knowing too much about the plot.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Seventh Son is awesome and awful at the same time

5 second plot: Jeff Bridges is an old 'spook': he captures and/or kills creatures of the dark. He's looking for a new apprentice. The only guys he can consider are seventh sons of seventh sons. He finds hope in Tom, an apprentice with a slightly new approach to fighting witches. He will need to get up to speed fast, because there's an evil witch on the loose who wants to rule the world.

5 second review: This movie's got big names, a big budget, good special effects and a solid fantasy-level approach, so what in the world went wrong? Nobody seems to like this movie. I definitely didn't like Jeff Bridges' dialogue and his speech impediment but for me personally everything else was pretty entertaining. Too bad he talks a lot.

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Jupiter Ascending is no new Matrix

5 second plot: Jupiter leads a very normal life on planet earth. Suddenly she becomes the center of attention for a trio of galactic royalty. They mostly seem to want her dead. Because she is the reincarnation of their mother, the queen of... well, everything apparently. Luckily for Jupiter she can count on a couple of new friends to help her fend off these crazy royals.

5 second review: Unfortunately it's nothing like The Matrix. It's more like The Matrix Revolutions. It's a big show with a lot of spectacular action. With an occasional magical moment (the bees). But it's no new galaxy far far away. I especially didn't like Channing Tatum's ears. And his boots. And his shield.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 7/10

Project Almanac is pretty complex

5 second plot: A group of (smart) friends builds a time machine. They use it to improve their lives. It starts with small things but it quickly moves on to more important stuff. And everyone knows you don't fuck with time. Because it can turn into a puzzle nightmare.

5 second review: I don't really like these film-it-yourself movies, but this one's do-able because the visuals are really cool. With this story they've managed to make time travelling movies even more complicated than they already were. I will probably be thinking about whether everything adds up or not for the rest of the week. But I already think it will be impossible to wrap my head around it.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 7/10

12 Monkeys Season 1 Episode 2: Mentally Divergent

5 second plot: Killing Goines didn't solve anything. Now the people from the future are trying to figure out what the Army of the 12 Monkeys is and means. They send Cole back to 2015 to find a patient in a mental institution. This happens to be Goines' daughter Jennifer. And then there's also a mysterious man who seems to be part of a secret organisation.

5 second review: It's obvious the party had to get started quickly because our main characters get so many clues at once, they don't know where to look first. Everything that happens is either too convenient or too far fetched (the picture of the mental institution's address taken when he was sent wrongfully to 2006 in North Korea anyone?). I'm not buying it.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 4/10

Mortdecai is hilarious, really it is

5 second plot: A famous painting is stolen and Mortdecai, a famous art dealer, is assigned to try and find it.

5 second review: Not a lot of people seem to like this movie. But I absolutely loved it. I had a smile on my face the entire time. I don't care what everyone else says. Everyone else is wrong.  Johnny Depp is hi-la-rious. All the side-characters (wife, man-servant, cop, villain,...) are simply perfect. And the running gags are brilliant.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 9/10

Black Sea a tiny bit unrealistic

5 second plot: Jude Law is a submarine captain who finds out the location of a German submarine from WWII filled with gold. He gathers a crew to go after it. But not everything goes exactly as he had planned.

5 second review: Jude Law looks awfully tough. The thing I liked the most about the movie is the occasional funny dialogue: 'This wreck's gonna sink. Well it's a fucking useless sub if it don't.' True that. The thing I hated the most is the fact that it's on a submarine. I really hate submarines. And one other thing: it's very very very unrealistic. Very.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 5/10

Everly is hilarious

5 second plot: Everly is a sex-slave for a gangster that owns most of the city (including the police). Today she decides she has had it and fights back. Her 'boss' does not take this well and sends every man he's got to her room to kill her.

5 second review: A scarcely clad beautiful woman, lots of weapons, lots of bad guys to kill and blood flying all over the place (also a little bit of guts): now that's an awesome idea. Too bad it turns into unintentional slapstick from time to time. And between the battles, it falls flat on its ass. It's cool and ridiculous at the same time. I don't think they were aiming for that.

IMDb score: 5,1/10
Our score: 5/10