Friday, August 4, 2017

The Dark Tower is not as epic as expected


















5 second plot: A tower (a dark one) stands in the middle of the universe. It keeps evil things out of our world (and other worlds). A child's mind can destroy it. Evil dude Walter is kidnapping kids from all over the world to try and take it down. Enter Jake, the kid that can probably destroy it. And Roland, the gunslinger that will do anything to prevent that from happening.

5 second review: It's good, but I was expecting a 2,5 hour epic movie and this is just a tiny part of that. Which makes it feel incomplete or more like an episode of a TV show. Matthew McConaughey is on a roll though as the evil Man in Black. The visuals are good except for a run-in with a weird creature half way through the movie.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 7/10


Message from the King is brutal














5 second plot: Jacob came from South Africa to Los Angeles to find his missing sister. But he is too late, she has been murdered. Jacob starts looking for the men responsible.

5 second review: This is a brutal revenge tale, but it's not slick or cool revenge, it's pure dramatic rage. Overall it's a decent movie with a very strong performance by Chadwick Boseman but there are a couple of false notes, like the strange relationship between Jacob and his neighbor.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 7/10


Sunday, July 30, 2017

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3: The Queen's Justice 

















5 second plot: Spoilers ahoy! Jon shits his pants when he meets Daenerys' dragons. The mother of dragons is not buying his story about the living dead. Bran makes it back to Winterfell. Cersei avenges her daughter's death. And seems to be outwitting her brother in the strategies of war.

5 second review: This is a very interesting episode. It feels like watching a Rocky movie: first the good guys get punched in the face (a lot) and just when you think they are going to stay down, they're going to start throwing killer punches. Or at least: that's what I think will happen. For now, they are just getting punched in the face. A lot.

IMDb score: 9,4/10
Our score: 9,5/10


Friday, July 28, 2017

The Emoji Movie is simple fun















5 second plot: An emoji scheduled to be deleted does not accept his fate and goes rogue.

5 second review: It's very extremely simple fun for (small) children. I don't think I have ever seen an IMDb score this low.

IMDb score: 1,7/10
Our score: 4/10


Sunday, July 23, 2017

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2: Stormborn



















5 second plot: Melisandre pays Daenerys a visit. And informs her of the existence of one Jon Snow. Cersei is still trying to find allies. Sam tries to cure Jorah. Tyrion lays out his attack strategy. Not everything goes as planned. A premature battle is fought at sea.

5 second review: This episode has it all: it's cool, sexy, action packed, nasty (stomach turning), filled with visual goodies and it has an awesome blood gushing battle.

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 10/10


Monday, July 17, 2017

London Heist is a bit heavy














5 second plot: Jack is a tough criminal who specializes in armed robberies. When his dad is murdered and his retirement money disappears, Jack is determined to find and punish the men responsible.

5 second review: This is a very cool gangster movie with an awesome bad-ass hero (on the wrong side of the law but we're still rooting for him). But it's a bit heavy on drama for my taste. A movie like this should be more fun, unless it's a true story.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 6/10


Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is very elaborate














5 second plot: Valerian and Laureline are two agents of the cosmos (I'm not sure if that's the right description, but something like that.) who get sucked into a whole lot of action after they retrieve a very special item on their last mission.

5 second review: I thought I would be complaining about the overload of worlds, creatures and computer graphics and although it does get 'cartoony' from time to time it didn't bother me at all. On the contrary. It's a work of love and you can feel it throughout the movie. The amount of detail is extraordinary. What I loved the most is the chemistry between the main characters. It's a perfect team-up.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10


Sunday, July 16, 2017

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1: Dragonstone


















5 second plot: Spoiler alert! Arya kills every last one of the fuckers that helped slaughter her family at the red wedding. Now she's on her way to kill the queen. The zombie army is coming. Jon is organizing the defense of the wall together with Sansa. Bran arrives at the wall. Cersei is trying to figure out what crazy thing to do next. The Dragon Queen is home at last.

5 second review: They are not wasting any time: let's get crackin'! It's turning into a good old fashion fight of good against evil. We don't just get to see zombies in this episode but GIANT zombies! How cool is that? The Hound is hilarious. The Ed Sheeran cameo is NOT. But it's not terrible. Just stupid.

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 9,5/10


Friday, July 14, 2017

The Big Sick is not very entertaining


















5 second plot: Kumail, a stand-up comedian, falls in love with Emily. He is from Pakistan and she is not. So it's kind of a forbidden relationship. This leads to them breaking up. Not long after they break up, she ends up in a coma. He stays by her side, but this is pretty awkward since her parents -who he never met - are also there and they know they broke up.

5 second review: It's more about romance and about human relationships than it is about comedy. It's funny from time to time but it's not the main focus. It's a very personal story (literally) for Kumail Nanjiani so I guess he had to tell it the way it really happened. The premise is very special, but the story is not entertaining enough to fill a 2 hour movie. Or maybe it just isn't my thing. I loved the ending though.

IMDb score: 7,8/10
Our score: 5/10


Friday, June 30, 2017

The House is crazy


















5 second plot: When the mayor decides to cancel their daughter's scholarship in favor of a town pool, Scott and Kate have to find a way to come up with a lot of money. Fast. Together with their friend Frank they start an illegal casino in his house. And everyone knows the house always wins.

5 second review: It's like one big crazy Saturday Night Live sketch. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and lots of things don't add up, but it's funny, if you're into this crazy kind of comedy.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 6,5/10