Star Trek: Discovery Season 1 Episode 1: The Vulcan Hello

5 second plot: On a mission to figure out what went wrong with a communication beacon the U.S.S. Shenzou has a run in with an unidentified object. Spoiler alert: it's a Klingon warship ready for action.

5 second review: The visuals are good and the Klingons are cool but everything else is pretty weak. It already starts with the opening credits. It's all a big bummer. The dialogue is so silly, even the actors don't believe what they are saying. And this first episode ends in a cliff hanger, can you believe it.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 4/10

What Happened to Monday is too much

5 second plot: The world has become overpopulated. To keep this population fed, scientists have found a way to enhance crops. But this resulted in even more kids. So now the government has decided that parents can only have one child. Somehow the seven (identical) Settmans siblings have survived without being noticed. But now one of them has gone missing.

5 second review: The action sequences are good and Noomi Rapace does a fine job portraying seven different people. The future looks like today. Except for the cheap stuff. It was a good idea on paper, but as a movie it's not that interesting. And it's too much of the same, it's too long and the story comes to a full stop too often (and then it's like no-one knows what to do next).

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 4/10

The Emoji Movie is simple fun

5 second plot: An emoji scheduled to be deleted does not accept his fate and goes rogue.

5 second review: It's very extremely simple fun for (small) children. I don't think I have ever seen an IMDb score this low.

IMDb score: 1,7/10

Our score: 4/10

The Lost City of Z is a good biography

5 second plot: This is the true-life story of Percy Fawcett, a man who spent his entire life looking for a lost city (maybe even a lost city of gold) in the Amazonian jungle.

5 second review: I guess it's a good biography but it's not very entertaining as a movie. The only thing that kept my spirits up was the fact that I was going to see an incredible discovery. Spoiler alert (seriously, if you want to see the movie, do not read on): I didn't get to see jack shit. They probably never found the bloody city. What a waste of my precioussss time.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 4/10

Mechanic: Resurrection is not going to win a lot of prizes

5 second plot: The Stath has to kill three bad guys or a super-bad guy kills his girlfriend (who he met yesterday). And he has to make the kills look like accidents.

5 second review: They won't be winning any prizes for best screenplay or most coherent story for this one. The stuff they came up with to make this mess a little bit comprehensible is ludicrous. Thank god Indestructible Stath and Gorgeous Jessica are in this. Or I would have been pissed off for having to sit through it.

IMDb score: 5,9/10
Our score: 4/10

The Purge: Election Year is not okay

5 second plot: This year Frank Grillo has to keep a senator safe that wants to abolish the purge if she gets elected. But the current people in charge want to use this year's purge to get rid of their opponents. Needless to say, the good senator is on the top of their kill list.

5 second review: Back in the day, this would have been a straight-to-video movie. In other words: the quality is not okay. The story is boring: everything that happens in the movie is pure and simple plot hole filling. But I must say the people that made it have a good sick sense of imagination. This results in some very memorable scenes.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 4/10

The Boss doesn't really cut it

5 second plot: A rich self centered business woman gets sent to jail and loses everything. After her jail-time she's only got her too-good-for-this-world former assistant to turn to. But she's ready to get back on her feet and show the world what she's made of.

5 second review: The jokes only work when Melissa McCarthy gets on a roll and starts babbling weird offensive shit. Too bad this is only a small percentage of the running time. The story (what story?) relies totally on her talent as a comedian. She's got talent to spare, but it's not in this movie.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 4/10

Emelie is fucked up

5 second plot: When mom and dad go out on a lovely date, the kids get a babysitter from hell.

5 second review: If you have kids: don't go near this movie. Especially when you sometimes have a babysitter come over. The movie's not bad. The actors do a great job. But the story is too fucked up and sad for my personal taste. I'm not too fond of seeing little kids being tormented.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 4/10

The 5th Wave didn't get the memo

5 second plot: Aliens attack earth. Lots of people die. Cassie survives. Her goal is to find her kid brother. And open up a can of whoop-ass on these aliens b*tches.

5 second review: In this day and age we're used to realistic (zombies are real man, you know it) Walking Dead-style end of the world stories, not  this romantic boo-hoo one man (almost) mission crap. I didn't like the kid soldiers and the way the story centers around them. But most of all, I didn't like the fact that there's no ending. You sit through a movie you don't really enjoy very much, and then you finally reach the end. And there isn't one. Not cool.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 4/10

400 Days keeps you guessing

5 second plot: Three men and one woman go in an underground vessel for 400 days to simulate a long space voyage. They were told that there would be obstacles and problems that they have to overcome. But after a while they're not sure anymore of what's real and what's not.

5 second review: It's not a big spectacle, it's not really a great story and it's not really that interesting. But you will be guessing until the very end. So I... ahum... guess that's pretty well done. However. I have to say the ending disappointed me. That's not a cool feeling after sitting through a not-that-interesting movie for an hour and a half.

IMDb score: 4,5/10
Our score: 4/10

Little Dead Rotting Hood is not terrible

5 second plot: In a small town wolves suddenly start attacking people. Lucky for the town Little Dead Rotting Hood just rose from the grave. And she's ready to kick some wolf butt.

5 second review: I just couldn't resist that title. The movie is very low budget and of course it shows. But although it's often ridiculous it's actually not terrible.

IMDb score: 3,4/10
Our score: 4/10

Man Up is for romantic souls

5 second plot: Jack mistakes Nancy for his blind date Jessica. Nancy doesn't tell him this tiny detail and just goes along with it.

5 second review: This is a very romantic movie, so if you're not a romantic soul, you don't want to go near this one. It's definitely got its memorable funny moments, but there are not a lot of them. There's a lot of talking and it's not always as smart as it should be. So I guess I'm not a big fan here.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 4/10

The Intern is sweet

5 second plot: Ben is 70 years old and still very active. He applies for an internship at an internet company that sells clothes online. He becomes the personal assistant of the founder of the company, Jules. Ben helps her bring some structure in her extremely chaotic life.

5 second review: This is probably everything you think it is. It's sweet, but super-corny. They even have Robert De Niro cry (for crying out loud). There's one joke in here about him getting a boner that so horribly unfunny it made my toes curl.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 4/10

Pay the Ghost is a bit silly

5 second plot: On Halloween night Nic Cage's son disappears. One year later Nic is still frantically looking for him. All the clues seem to lead to something that is not of this world.

5 second review: There are a handful of memorable moments but overall this is a silly movie that is not as scary as it should be and where not everything seems to add up as it should. But the actors play it straight and that helps a little bit to get through the boring moments (there are quite a few of those).

IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 4/10

The Visit requires some patience

5 second plot: Two kids go visit their grandparents for a week. They have never met them (mom broke all contact before the kids where born). When they arrive it all seems to be peaches and cream but after a while the Nana and Pop Pop start acting really weird. Especially after 21:30.

5 second review: The twist is so obvious that I didn't see it coming. Thank god, because that's about the only thing I liked about the movie. The kids are okay too. It's a cheap ass home video movie with lots of useless footage that was just added around a 30 minute story. It's quite the stretch.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 4/10

Bloodsucking Bastards is a good effort

5 second plot: When a new sales manager arrives at Evan's workplace the useless employees suddenly start becoming productive. A couple of them (the 'normal' ones) realize that something is wrong. Their new manager is turning the co-workers into vampires and they obey his every command.

5 second review: Look at the title. And then 'a film by Dr. God'. You know what you're getting yourself into. It's made on a small budget, that's for sure. But these useless employees are actually funny to watch. And the blood splattering all over the place is nice and gory on the one hand but it also fits the comedy-part of the movie perfectly. Dr. God definitely put a good effort into this.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 4/10

Last Knights is all about honor

5 second plot: Lord Bartok rises up against an evil minister of the emperor. And loses his head in the process. His right hand, friend and commander Raiden does not take this well and slides down a path of self destruction, losing everything he has and is in the process.

5 second review: There are some good characters in here but most of them are not. The emperor is a good example of 'not'. The second act of the movie with the commander feeling sorry for himself is just stupid, boring and it takes way too long. The battles in the third act make up for this a little bit though.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 4/10

The Cobbler is a bit too simple

5 second plot: Max is a cobbler (surprise) who finds out he's got a magical machine in his basement. If he fixes someone's shoes with this machine, he can become this person by wearing the shoes. This new power is fun at first, but soon enough Max gets in some serious trouble with the wrong people.

5 second review: I think this is the first time I saw a movie about a fucking cobbler. This is one very simple story. From time to time it gets so ridiculous and childish it made my toes curl. If you like Adam Sandler you will like the movie, but don't expect too much fireworks. It isn't his best work.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 4/10

12 Monkeys Season 1 Episode 2: Mentally Divergent

5 second plot: Killing Goines didn't solve anything. Now the people from the future are trying to figure out what the Army of the 12 Monkeys is and means. They send Cole back to 2015 to find a patient in a mental institution. This happens to be Goines' daughter Jennifer. And then there's also a mysterious man who seems to be part of a secret organisation.

5 second review: It's obvious the party had to get started quickly because our main characters get so many clues at once, they don't know where to look first. Everything that happens is either too convenient or too far fetched (the picture of the mental institution's address taken when he was sent wrongfully to 2006 in North Korea anyone?). I'm not buying it.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 4/10

Redirected is not as cool as it thinks it is

5 second plot: Four thugs (well, three tugs and one sucker friend) rob a bad-ass gangster. The plan is to make a run for Malaysia with a shit load of money. But they get stuck in Lithuania. They run into so much trouble there that a bad-ass gangster on their tail seems to be the least of their worries.

5 second review: There are a couple of funny (the titty watch) and very original bits and pieces (the ambulance guys) in here but overall it's not as cool as we're made to believe it is. There are lots of 'fill-up' scenes with non-English speaking actors. I guess that must have been cheaper but it doesn't help elevate the quality of the movie.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 4/10