Monday, April 28, 2014

Penny Dreadful Season 1 is very cool

5 second plot: In 19th century London, sir Malcolm Murray is searching for his daughter. With a little help from some friends. She has been kidnapped by a vampire like creature. In the mix are also: Dr. Frankenstein and his creations, ghosts (something like that), Dorian Grey, Van Helsing, Egyptian hieroglyphs, the devil, spiders, tuberculosis, possession, the bride of Frankenstein in the making and a werewolf.

5 second review: This is a pretty shocking, disturbing, nasty show from time to time. With lots of famous folk in the lead. You get to see things you don't normally see on TV. I was expecting nasty gore, but not a dead guy's penis. Yuk for that. The possession stuff is really cool. Thanks to Eva Green. There is so much (too much?) interesting stuff going on that the focus on the plot is often lost.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 4: Oathkeeper

5 second plot: Miss Targaryen frees the slaves. And kills the masters. Grandma Tyrell has got everything neatly arranged. John Snow wants to go on a mission. His brother runs into the knight watchers gone rogue. Not a pretty sight. And Jamie instructs Brienne to find Sansa to keep the oath they took to keep the Stark girls safe.

5 second review: What a cool ending! These are seriously out of this world alien zombies, these fuckers, aren't they. What is going on? They sure did add a whole bunch of fantasy to the story with this move. But I hope it gets followed up quickly, and not left in the freezer until the end of the season.

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Other Woman is really annoying

5 second plot: Carly finds out that the man of her dreams is married with Kate. Carly and Kate become friends and find out that their cheating boyfriend/husband is even dating a third woman. They decide it's time to settle the score.

5 second review: The movie is entertaining for about half an hour (but only if you really really try, really really hard to like it) and then it becomes this annoying ridiculous thing that has got nothing to say. Leslie Mann is over the top funny from time to time (good funny) and the women are easy on the (manly) eyes, but if a guy gets to the end of this movie (in one piece) he must like the girl he's watching it with a lot.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 3/10

Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is almost perfect

5 second plot: Peter is having fun and giving it all he's got. The city is a safer place because he's clocking overtime. Romantically it's not going great. Peter is constantly reminding himself of the promise he made to Gwen's father. Then a first big threat emerges in the form of Electro. He's seriously pissed off at Spider-Man.

5 second review: What an amazing movie for the first 2 hours. Great fun, stunning visuals, fantastic sound effects,... everything in place to put this movie on my top shelf. But then the last 15 minutes kick in... Why not stop at 2 hours? It was perfect. The last 15 mts fuck everything up. It just looks ridiculous and it goes too dark. Suddenly all the fun is gone. Poof.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 5/10

Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 20: Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

5 second plot: Walden gets a prescription from his shrink to have lots of meaningless sex. Alan is trying to start up his chiropractor business again, this time 'by the sea'. Both the guys 'businesses' come together quite nicely when Walden starts having sex with Alan's clients.

5 second review: I see what they are doing: let's try some of that old Charlie stuff and have Walden sleep with a lot of pretty women. It kinda felt awkward, like Mila Kunis was on the set watching him seduce other women. And the pimping thing was a bit too far. A big bit.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 7/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 7 Episode 21: The Anything Can Happen Recurrence

5 second plot: Penny, Leonard and Sheldon reinstate Anything Can Happen Thursdays. In their search for an Anything Can Happen-restaurant, they run into Amy and Bernadette. They lied about where they were to have a break from Penny nagging about her movie and Sheldon nagging about which field of expertise to choose. Raj and Howard watch  House of a 1000 Corpses to prepare Raj for watching the movie with Emily.

5 second review: Great stuff. Classic funnyness from everyone. It's not really going anywhere but the funny dialogue is more than good enough for me.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 9/10

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 3: Breaker of Chains

5 second plot: Grandpa Lannister is already prepping the new king and trying to get some new powerful friends. The guys at The Wall are prepping for the wildlings. There seems to be a lot of them. And they are thirsty for blood. Hound meets up with some local people. He's not very nice to them. And miss Targaryen arrives at her next city. She's pretty pissed off.

5 second review: Remember the scene from Troy where Brad Pitt kills a great warrior with just one blow? In this episode that cool 'fight' gets topped! Coolio even winks at the pretty girl before the fight. It can't get any cooler than that. The rest of the episode was pretty good as well, but let us keep the long dramatic speeches to a minimum, alright?

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Ask Me Anything is much ado about nothing

5 second plot: Katie decides to take a year off before going to college. She starts blogging about her life, looks for a job, dates the wrong guys, a couple of them at the same time, trying to find her adult self.

5 second review: Britt Robertson is awesome. And there's a lot of her in this movie. She's got great energy. I totally connected with her character. It's a shame the story is much about nothing. And the twist in the end is completely unnecessary.

IMDb score: 5,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Two-Bit Waltz is a weird little fucker

5 second plot: Maude is almost 18 years old, she's suspended from school and is bored because no-one wants to hang out with her. Even her mother says 'Darling, I would, but I don't want to'. She's got one big project she can focus on: she wants to become a writer.

5 second review: Written by, directed by and starring Clara Mamet. After 5 minutes I was thinking 'Why am I watching this?'. And this thought stayed with me through the entire movie. It's possible that Clara Manet is trying to tell us something. But I seriously don't know what it is.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 2/10

Friday, April 18, 2014

A Haunted House 2 is fucked up

5 second plot: Marlon Wayans moves into a haunted house. A whole bunch of strange shit starts happening around him. Like everything that happened in any haunted house or paranormally inspired movie in the past five years. 

5 second review: I couldn't believe anyone would want to make another one of these after the horrible first one. But they did, so I just had to see it to believe it. It started to annoy me really fast, but after a little while this movie goes so far over the top, that I laughed my ass off really loud a couple of times. And then, there was even some sort of story to be found beneath all the craziness.

IMDb score: 4,7/10
Our score: 6/10

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wolf Creek 2 is hilarious

5 second plot: Mick Tayler doesn't like foreigners. So if he finds one of them in his beautiful country of Australia, he gets angry.  A couple of German tourists find out first hand. And also the guy that tries to help them. Mick just likes to have a little fun killing them and chopping them up. Oh, and he also doesn't like it if the cops try to fuck with him.

5 second review: What an awesome evil psycho they have us rooting for. This guy is hilarious. Those coppers had it coming. The rest of them not so very much. But hey, what are you going to do about it. This is a pretty decent slasher movie (except for the pop quiz, that takes too long). Every kill is either hilarious or spectacular. His reaction to the flying kangaroos is brilliant.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose

5 second plot: The king gets married. He tries to make a complete fool of his little uncle at the wedding. And of course everyone looks at the uncle when the king gets poisoned and dies. Lord Bolton finds out what his bastard son did to Theon Greyjoy. He's not very happy. The Stark boy that can get in animals' heads, can also talk to trees. He now knows where they need to go.

5 second review: Shocker! They did it again. I didn't see the poisoning coming. Not even a little bit. But, thank the gods that the little pest is finally gone. I couldn't stand to see his face anymore. Nice build up.

IMDb score: 9,8/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, April 11, 2014

Joe is one of them special ones

5 second plot: Joe is a good guy who always goes the extra mile to help good people. He's got some serious drinking and anger management issues that get him into trouble with the law a lot. One day he meets a young boy, a good kid, and he gives him a job. This job gives the boy a chance to a normal life.

5 second review: Nicolas Cage proves yet again that he can seriously act. It's a bleak story about the low end of society where everyone is always drunk or high and beating up each another. But it's also a story about helping one another, friendship and giving a damn.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 7/10

Only Lovers Left Alive is cool

5 second plot: Adam is a very old vampire living in Brooklyn. He's not feeling well and is thinking of killing himself. But then the love of his life (an even older vampire) comes over from Tangiers to get his spirit up again. These vampires are quite friendly and don't try to hurt too many zombies (humans) these days.

5 second review: It's a simple story of true love. And it unfolds amazingly beautiful. Not very much is revealed about the lives, skills and collections (of ancient stuff) of these cool vampires. We are merely observers. And sometimes we get lucky and get some insider information.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Big Bang Theory Season 7 Episode 20: The Relationship Diremption

5 second plot: Sheldon is thinking about ending his relationship with 'string theory'. He's looking for a new field of expertise. Howard meets Raj's girlfriend Emily. He finds out he knows her already. In a bad way. Sheldon gets drunk and calls up Stephen Hawking.

5 second review: Clogzilla. That's gonna stick. Hilarious episode.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 9/10

Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 19: Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick

5 second plot: Walden wants to ask Kate to marry him. But then a beautiful stranger pops up and Walden feels like this could be his soul-mate. Gretchen finds out that Jeff Strongman is actually Alan Harper. There is also a lot of nut-kicking and Charlie's ashes go flying around the house again.

5 second review: Mila Kunis showing up? A That 70's Show reference? A couple of movie references? Am I in heaven?

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 10/10

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Silicon Valley Season 1 Episode 1: Minimum Viable Product

5 second plot: This is the story of a couple of tech guys who try to make it in Silicon Valley. One of them might have found the golden ticket with a data compression algorithm he designed.

5 second plot: It's cork dry humor. The jokes are flat and told with a face as straight as possible. I don't know about this one yet. I just don't think it's funny enough. I'm going to park this like it's hot for a while.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 1: Two Swords

5 second plot: King's Landing is preparing for the royal wedding. The mother of dragons if having difficulties controlling her fire breathers. She is still marching steadily with her giant army. Jaime is back, minus one hand, but no-one seems to be happy to see him. John Snow survived. He tries to explain to his fellows in arms that there are a whole bunch of nutcases who want to get over the wall.

5 second review: There is a lot more going on in this first episode than I could cram into a 5 second plot. That's good. Every sub-story is developing very interestingly. Oh man, but I hate that little weasel snot-king. Can't stand to look at him. Quick question. Was that a little kid nailed to that cross? Holy shit.

IMDb score: 9,5/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Friday, April 4, 2014

Goodbye World is fairly decent

5 second plot: Due to a smartphone virus the whole world collapses. A group of friends and family try to keep a low profile on a remote location where they have everything they need to survive. The problem is that that's what everyone wants. And a second problem is that they don't all get along very well.

5 second review: I wonder, would shit hit the fan this hard and this fast if we would lose electronics? Probably yes. Well, I hope I won't be stuck with this lot when it happens. The story focuses mostly on the relationships between the different persons/couples. Not really on the end of the world. But it's not bad.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Under The Skin is something else

5 second plot: A beautiful woman seduces men and lures them to a building where life is sucked out of them (I think). But then she starts to feel bad (I think). And tries to run away from it all. Only she doesn't know where to go (still guessing).

5 second review: What the fuck is this? This is one seriously weird, stylish, experimental movie. Holy shit. Not a whole damn lot happens but what an overwhelming, mind blowing performance by Scarlett Johansson. You will either love or hate this film. I'm going to go with love. I have never ever seen a huge star invest so much into a role this daring. It's very much possible I will be liking this movie more and more over the years.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 9/10

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Oculus is some scary shit

5 second plot: Tim has just been released from a mental institution for killing his father when he was a kid. His sister convinces him to set the record straight and go after the real killer of their parents: an evil presence that uses an old mirror to get close to its victims. The sister tracked the mirror down and is ready to rumble.

5 second plot: This is a pretty fresh take on the haunted mirror story. They know (well, the sister anyway) upfront what they are up against and install cameras and kill switches to outsmart the mirror. It's a great scary movie and it gets really gross from time to time. The story picks up speed exponentially as it runs along. Towards the end, your mind has to go in overdrive just to keep up.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10

Two and a Half Men Season 11 Episode 18: West Side Story

5 second plot: Kate is back in town and she wants to meet up with Walden. They both eat something called Squid Surprise and get really sick. Gretchen and Alan seem to be a perfect match. But now she wants to see his place. Alan has to create new lies constantly to keep the old lies afloat. The fact that Alan gets on so well with Gretchen drives Lindsey crazy.

5 second review: The word games are off the chart again. They are really silly but if you keep it going long enough it gets laugh out loud funny. 'You can't let her blow it' anyone? Alan going into Barry's place totally unprepared ('I have a cat?') is simply asking for classic comedy.

IMDb score: not yet scored
Our score: 9/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 7 Episode 19: The Indecision Amalgamation

5 second plot: Sheldon can't choose between the Xbox One and the PS4. Amy tries to help him. Penny gets offered a part in Serial Apist 2: Monkey See Monkey Kill. But she doesn't know if it's a good idea to do it. Raj's got a date with a pretty girl he previously scared off. And Bernadette accidentally wrote a horrible 'get well soon' card.

5 second review: This is overall a very funny episode, but the scene where Amy tries to get excited about Sheldon's difficulty in choosing between the Xbox and the PS... that's hilarious. LOL.

IMDb score: 8,9/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Conan Season 4 Episode 68: Simon Helberg

5 second plot: Conan first tries to dress up his European looking producer as a cowboy. After that the state of Texas gets to rumble with a couple of other states. Then Simon Helberg from The Big Bang Theory is on. He does a mad Al Pacino impression. And a musical note from Eli Young Band.

5 second review: The part where they dress up their colleague is mostly funny for Conan, not so much for us. But if Conan is having fun, we're having fun. The crew seems to be feeling really well in good old Texas.

IMDb score: not yet scored
Our score: 8/10

The Retrieval isn't very much about anything

5 second plot: It's 1864. The US Civil War is raging. A young guy and his uncle have to 'retrieve' (yes, I smartly used the title there) a man for a group of bounty hunters. If they don't get him back, they will be hunted down and killed.

5 second review: There's a lot of walking in the woods. And a lot of talking. This movie is all about human relationships, growing up and doing the right thing. It's a little bit boring and I couldn't help wondering: what's the point of telling this story?

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 4/10

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Chrysalis is as dark as it can get

5 second plot: The world has gone down the drain some 25 years ago. A young couple is hiding in a city filled with infected people who are thirsty for their blood (let's call them zombies). They are trying to find other people because its's easier to survive in a group.

5 second review: This is not the romanticized version of heroes surviving in an apocalyptic aftermath. This is probably how it will go down in real life. It's not going to be pretty. The acting starts off really shaky, but gets better and better. It's a tough story: not very much a feel good movie.

IMDb score: 4,7/10
Our score: 6,5/10