The Green Inferno gets the freak on

5 second plot: A group of inexperienced activists travels to the Amazon to prevent a local tribe from being overrun by bulldozers. But their plane crashes and the survivors end up on the menu of the tribe they tried to save.

5 second review: Eli Roth can do better than this. What happened? The actors look like they don't know what in the world is going on. Luckily it does get better when shit (and loads of blood and guts) really hits the fan.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 5/10

Horns is really funny

5 second plot: A young guy is wrongfully accused of killing the love of his life. One day he gets so frustrated and angry that he grows two horns on his head. From this moment on people can't help but tell him their darkest secrets. It's not always what he would like to hear (his parents!) but it helps him in his search for the real killer.

5 second review: This movie made me laugh really hard lots of times. But it's not only funny, it's also a beautiful love story. With a somewhat unconventional twist. We know from the start the girl is dead. Sometimes the flashbacks to the good old days slow the movie down too much. As a viewer you want to be moving on instead of going back.

IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 8/10

The Zero Theorem is incomprehensible

5 second plot: Set in a Terry Gilliam universe, we follow Qohen, a troubled man who is waiting for an important phone call and in the meantime does some stuff on his computer. Since he is very good at doing this stuff, his management decides he can have a go at proving the zero theorem. What ever the hell that is.

5 second review: Although I did like a couple of thing in this crazy Terry Gilliam universe I must say I couldn't make much sense of these randomly put together bits of nuts.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 4/10

What If is (almost) all good

5 second plot: Wallace is a really nice guy who is looking for the love of his life. One day he meets a very sweet girl who might be the one. But she's got a boyfriend. So Wallace and her decide to become friends. As they become best friends, Wallace is having a difficult time trying to hide his true feelings.

5 second review: This is one of those beautifully romantic movies. A big recommendation from me to watch this with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You have to get past a horrible first five minutes though. After that, it's all good.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 8/10

The Double is not my cup of tea

5 second plot: A sweet but very shy guy one day meets his identical self at work. They look exactly the same, but no-one else notices. The big difference is in the way they act. The new guy is the complete opposite of the old one: not shy at all, good with the ladies and working his way up in the company without any knowledge whatsoever.

5 second review: You will either love or hate this movie. It's not... well... normal. It kinda looks and feels like a Metropolis (you know, the movie from 1927) remake. It's one big exercise in 'style'. It’s a movie that a director makes for himself, not for his audience. I personally didn't think very much of it, so I'm not going to go with 'love'. 

IMDb score: 6,7/10

Our score: 2/10

Wolf Creek 2 is hilarious

5 second plot: Mick Tayler doesn't like foreigners. So if he finds one of them in his beautiful country of Australia, he gets angry.  A couple of German tourists find out first hand. And also the guy that tries to help them. Mick just likes to have a little fun killing them and chopping them up. Oh, and he also doesn't like it if the cops try to fuck with him.

5 second review: What an awesome evil psycho they have us rooting for. This guy is hilarious. Those coppers had it coming. The rest of them not so very much. But hey, what are you going to do about it. This is a pretty decent slasher movie (except for the pop quiz, that takes too long). Every kill is either hilarious or spectacular. His reaction to the flying kangaroos is brilliant.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Joe is one of them special ones

5 second plot: Joe is a good guy who always goes the extra mile to help good people. He's got some serious drinking and anger management issues that get him into trouble with the law a lot. One day he meets a young boy, a good kid, and he gives him a job. This job gives the boy a chance to a normal life.

5 second review: Nicolas Cage proves yet again that he can seriously act. It's a bleak story about the low end of society where everyone is always drunk or high and beating up each another. But it's also a story about helping one another, friendship and giving a damn.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 7/10

Only Lovers Left Alive is cool

5 second plot: Adam is a very old vampire living in Brooklyn. He's not feeling well and is thinking of killing himself. But then the love of his life (an even older vampire) comes over from Tangiers to get his spirit up again. These vampires are quite friendly and don't try to hurt too many zombies (humans) these days.

5 second review: It's a simple story of true love. And it unfolds amazingly beautiful. Not very much is revealed about the lives, skills and collections (of ancient stuff) of these cool vampires. We are merely observers. And sometimes we get lucky and get some insider information.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Goodbye World is fairly decent

5 second plot: Due to a smartphone virus the whole world collapses. A group of friends and family try to keep a low profile on a remote location where they have everything they need to survive. The problem is that that's what everyone wants. And a second problem is that they don't all get along very well.

5 second review: I wonder, would shit hit the fan this hard and this fast if we would lose electronics? Probably yes. Well, I hope I won't be stuck with this lot when it happens. The story focuses mostly on the relationships between the different persons/couples. Not really on the end of the world. But it's not bad.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Under The Skin is something else

5 second plot: A beautiful woman seduces men and lures them to a building where life is sucked out of them (I think). But then she starts to feel bad (I think). And tries to run away from it all. Only she doesn't know where to go (still guessing).

5 second review: What the fuck is this? This is one seriously weird, stylish, experimental movie. Holy shit. Not a whole damn lot happens but what an overwhelming, mind blowing performance by Scarlett Johansson. You will either love or hate this film. I'm going to go with love. I have never ever seen a huge star invest so much into a role this daring. It's very much possible I will be liking this movie more and more over the years.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 9/10

Oculus is some scary shit

5 second plot: Tim has just been released from a mental institution for killing his father when he was a kid. His sister convinces him to set the record straight and go after the real killer of their parents: an evil presence that uses an old mirror to get close to its victims. The sister tracked the mirror down and is ready to rumble.

5 second plot: This is a pretty fresh take on the haunted mirror story. They know (well, the sister anyway) upfront what they are up against and install cameras and kill switches to outsmart the mirror. It's a great scary movie and it gets really gross from time to time. The story picks up speed exponentially as it runs along. Towards the end, your mind has to go in overdrive just to keep up.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10

The Retrieval isn't very much about anything

5 second plot: It's 1864. The US Civil War is raging. A young guy and his uncle have to 'retrieve' (yes, I smartly used the title there) a man for a group of bounty hunters. If they don't get him back, they will be hunted down and killed.

5 second review: There's a lot of walking in the woods. And a lot of talking. This movie is all about human relationships, growing up and doing the right thing. It's a little bit boring and I couldn't help wondering: what's the point of telling this story?

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 4/10

The Missing Picture is heartbreaking

5 second plot: Filmmaker Rithy Panh uses archival footage and clay figures to tell the story of his childhood in Cambodia when Pol Pot and the Red Khmer destroyed the country and the people living in it.

5 second review: It's devastating to learn about the atrocities committed by these crazy idealists. It's impossible not to feel moved by this very personal tale of a little boy that loses everything. Don't be discouraged by the clay figures. You just have to listen to what they have to say.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Buck Wild is a cheap shot

5 second plot: Four very different guys go on a hunting trip to the Buck Wild Ranch. But the owner of the ranch gets bitten by a Chupacabra. And after that he turns into a zombie. And then he bites other people and before you know it, there are zombies everywhere.

5 second review: There was not enough money to show people getting killed, so you just hear the gunshots. The zombies look really cheap too. But if you have never seen a cheap ass crossed eyed zombie, this is your chance. I must admit I did have to laugh a couple of times, like with the Godfather discussion.

IMDb score: 4,6/10
Our score: 4/10

Nymphomaniac Vol.I is nasty

5 second plot: A man finds a woman in the street, all beat up. He takes her to his home (for a cup of tea). She tells him the story of her life, as a nymphomaniac.

5 second plot: Our dear Lars sure loves to hear himself talk. And he's always in search of something 'special'. Unable to make a 'normal' shot, it always has to have an awkward touch. Oh my god, there are some nasty cocks in this movie. Yuk. And lots of them. And as if this story wasn't already dreadfully (way too) long, this is only the first volume. I think I'll skip the second one.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 3/10

The Returned screws up it's ending

5 second plot: There has been a zombie-outbreak, but luckily a cure is found. As long as the infected take their daily dose, they stay healthy. But now the government is running out of daily doses... And people start looking for solutions. And making bad decisions.

5 second review: It's a new twist on the zombie-tale and it's pretty well done. I did not like the ending though, but at least it's a bit surprising. It's a pretty bleak story, it's not the kind of movie that makes you feel warm and happy.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 5/10

Enemy is a tad too weird

5 second plot: Adam Bell is a history teacher who goes through life not looking very happy. One day he discovers he's got a doppelganger. He gets obsessed with finding out who this guy is.

5 second review: It's not easy connecting the dots on this one. I don't get to see many movies where I have to Google afterwards: "what the fuck is this?". It's mysterious from beginning till end but it stays logical most of the time. And then the ending totally fucked me up.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 7/10

Free Ride blows

5 second plot: Christina is a young woman with two daughters who moves to Florida to escape her lowlife existence. To make a decent living she starts working for a drug dealer who ships huge amounts of soft drugs.

5 second review: I dozed off a couple of times. And I don't know if I like the final life lesson we get pushed down our throat by the real life Christina. The acting is very decent. But the story is too light to have any entertainment value. So the only thing that gives it reason to exist, is the stupid life lesson at the end.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 2/10

American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 10: The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks

5 second plot: The two arch enemy witches join forces to take on the witch hunters. Fiona tries to secure eternal life. And everyone is either trying to kill someone, trying to be the Supreme or wining about one thing or another. Oh, and the real Stevie Nicks comes to visit. Apparently she's a witch.

5 second review: What the crap is this? This episode sucks big time. There's nothing going on but crazy illogical shit. God damned. I think that they are out of ideas again. The same shit happened last season around the 10th episode.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 3/10

August: Osage County is major drama

5 second plot: A family gets together after the father of the family kills himself. It only takes them a few hours after the funeral to start flipping out on each other. They realize that there was a good reason for them to live far enough apart from each other. But maybe the problem is that they are not that different after all.

5 second review: I have to give an objective opinion on this film, because I actually really hate family dramas like this one. Objectively: wow, that are some amazing performances. We've got some serious Oscar material going on here.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 7/10