Friday, December 25, 2015

Joy is quite the struggle

5 second plot: Joy is the central figure in her family. She's holding everyone together like superglue: mother, father, ex-husband, kids, grandmother, half-sister. Her life is a soap opera. On top of taking care of everyone she invents stuff. And now the time has come to think big.

5 second review: What is it with Jennifer Lawrence? How can she be so great in everything she is in? It must be some kind of secret superpower. Almost all the other characters in the movie annoyed the crap out of me. I felt like punching her family in the face myself. I guess that's the whole idea but it's not really my idea of a fun night out.

IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 6/10

Daddy's Home doesn't always bring it home

5 second plot: Brad is a stepdad of two and his big dream is for his stepkids to treat him like a real dad. But then the real dad comes into the picture. And he seems to want Brad out.

5 second review: It's a typical Will Ferrell movie. That means lots of awkward jokes that keep going and going and going for way too long. It's good that Mark Walhberg is there to take the edge off a little bit. It's not all awkwardness this time, there's also some slapstick. It's crazy over the top road runner slapstick, but somehow that works.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 6/10

Point Break is not all bad

5 second plot: A new FBI recruit with an adventurous past goes undercover to solve a series of crimes that seem to be connected to an extreme sports challenge.

5 second review: The extreme sports are awesome. The nature is breathtaking. Some characters aren't bad. But Keanu is irreplaceable (who would have thought). The story is bull-shit. They should have made an original story instead of trying to make a new Point Break.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 6/10

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Revenant is tough as nails

5 second plot: It's a tough life being a frontiersman in America. Hugh Glass is a guide for a group of hunters. They get attacked by Native Americans and have to run. While on the run Hugh is attacked by a bear. He is in bad shape. They try to save him but eventually he is left for dead. He miraculously pulls through. But he will still have to fight hard to survive.

5 second review: This is one gritty survival/revenge movie. Life was so tough back then, it's amazing anyone made it. The action sequences are mind blowing. The bear attack is one of the best action sequences I have ever seen. The survival story works up to a point (how much can one man take), but there's something off about the revenge part. It doesn't feel right.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 8/10

The Hateful Eight is awesome

5 second plot: Not long after the Civil War a group of strangers gets stuck with each other while sheltering from a nasty blizzard. Two of them are bounty hunters on their way to town to collect a lot of money. As these strangers get to know each other, they start getting paranoid and piss each other off.

5 second review: Well, I guess he did it again. Brilliant scripting, beautiful cinematography, perfect cast and an amazing eye for detail. I had a lot of fun watching these guys (and woman) trash talk and shoot their way through it like there is no tomorrow. But I must say QT takes his sweet time laying it all out.

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, December 18, 2015

Sisters definitely has its moments

5 second plot: Two very different sisters (helpful vs tornado) find out that their parents are selling the house they grew up in. They decide to throw one last house party. And that teenie weenie party gets a little bit out of hand.

5 second review: I just love the little awkward moments that seem to last forever. The camera keeps rolling for way too long. This movie is packed with jokes. The story gets lost in between this fucking around. But who cares when you're laughing your ass off.  

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 7/10

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is a glorious celebration

5 second plot: It’s good versus evil. The Republic and the Resistance versus The New Order. And all of them are looking for the last jedi: Luke Skywalker.

5 second review: A glorious return to the old (good) form, an awesome roller-coaster ride, a whole lot of fun, fantastic new characters and a beautiful worldwide celebration. The only thing I didn’t get was what Gollum is doing in a Star Wars movie. There’s no ring here dude.

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Crying Wolf is just awful

5 second plot: A private detective investigates the unusual death of a friend who was also investigating an unusual death of a girl in a small village. So he reads a book. Oh yeah, and there's also something with werewolves and some heads get smashed off here and there.

5 second review: I don't like these wasters of my preciousssss time. This movie's got a terrible voice over explaining everything (never a good sign), the dialogue is even worse and the special effects are even worse than that. I did have to laugh a couple of times with the awfulness of it all. If you get past the first 10 minutes and still think it's alright, then this might be for you. But don't think that it will get better, because it doesn't.

IMDb score: not yet rated on posting date
Our score: 0/10

Friday, December 11, 2015

The Ridiculous 6 is painfully unfunny

5 second plot: Tommy meets his father for the first time. But his father is kidnapped before he gets a chance to really get to know him. Now Tommy has to come up with 50.000 dollar to save him. On his rescue mission he finds out he's got a couple of half brothers.

5 second review: The amount of familiar faces in this big cast is unbelievable. What the hell are they doing in this movie? It's godawful. It's so ridiculously unfunny that I started to feel sorry for Adam Sandler after a while. Because I like Adam Sandler. I'm on his side. But this movie? It really really really sucks.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 0/10

The Big Short is a reality check

5 second plot: In the mid 2000s a couple of smart guys figure out the housing and credit market is going to collapse. This is the true story of the international banking disaster that was right under everyone's nose but no-one saw coming.

5 second review:  The movie starts off funny. We even get Margot Robbie in a bubble bath explaining the basics. And at one point there's a drawing of a testicle on the screen (because we pick up on a random conversation). But after a while the fun's over. The tone of the movie shifts from a funny 'what comes around goes around' story to the sad reality it became for a lot of people.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 10-13

Ep 10: The Earworm Reverberation: Sheldon starts humming a song but can't remember what it is. He slowly descends into madness.

Ep 11: The Opening Night Excitation: Sheldon chooses to spend Amy's birthday with her instead of going to the new Star Wars movie that opens on the same day.

Ep 12: The Sales Call Sublimation: Sheldon and Raj discover an asteroid and call it 'Amy'.

Ep 13: The Empathy Optimization: Sheldon doesn't get invited to a bus party to Vegas because he was mean to everyone. He tries to change everyone's mind by apologizing.

5 second review: It's beautiful how Penny, Leonard and Sheldon are living together. They're a perfect match. The best episodes are the ones where Sheldon annoys everyone. There's a lot of them. The Star Wars refs are brilliant. All of them. The girls talking about superhero's and the guys watching with their mouths open is brilliant.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Monday, December 7, 2015

In the Heart of the Sea feels uninspired

5 second plot: It's the story of how Moby Dick came to be. In 1850 the writer of this famous novel writes down the account of the last survivor of the fight between whale hunters and a huge angry white whale. First this big fucker takes out the ship and then he chases the survivors for months.

5 second review: I can't believe this is a Ron Howard movie. The sets look like they're made out of cardboard, the effects are so and so and it just isn't the big adventure it should be. And no way pretty boys with shiny teeth would be sailing boats in the beginning of the 1800s.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 5/10

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Another World is not very good

5 second plot: The world has gone to shit. Almost everyone turned into a mindless killer (think fast zombies). Two uninfected survivors have made it so far by attacking first and by staying on the move.

5 second review: It can't say I liked anything about this movie: not the bad acting, the silly voice over, the terrible dialogue, the shabby script or the loads of mistakes. Their survival methods don't make any sense and they are way too clean and relaxed for the end of the world. But not everyone seems to agree with me, the IMDb score is not that bad.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 0/10

Friday, December 4, 2015

Christmas Eve is very dreamy

5 second plot: It's Christmas eve in New York City. A bunch of strangers get stuck with each other in a bunch of elevators across town. (Due to a car hitting a power circuit.)

5 second review: You have to be a bit of a romantic soul and/or a dreamer to fully appreciate this. It was a tad too corny for my taste. Everyone learns the important lessons you know up front they will learn. Oops, forgot the spoiler alert. Darn it.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 6,5/10

A Very Murray Christmas is a very merry musical

5 second plot: Bill Murray is doing a live show in New York but it's a blizzard outside so none of his guests have made it. He thinks about giving up, but then Chris Rock arrives and everything just seems to take off from that moment on.

5 second review: Directed by Sofia Coppola, lots of singing, lots of famous people and very Christmassy. But also rather boring. And too much singing for me. It's my mistake though, I thought this was going to be funny (you know: B.M. and all...). If you like cozy fluffy warm Christmas musicals, this is for you.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 1/10

Macbeth is much ado about nothing

5 second plot: Macbeth, a fierce warrior for the king of Scotland, wins one last decisive battle. He thinks he's destined to become the new king and to speed things up decides to kill the current king. After that he goes completely bananas.

5 second review: Most of the time I didn't know what in the world everyone was babbling about. It didn't seem all that important, but everyone seems to take everything very serious. To me it felt like watching a book reading. But I must say they did a good job envisaging the cold, moist, sad time the book is set in.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 2/10

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Bad Roomies is a weird little fucker

5 second plot: When Bobby and Raymond get a new room mate, it's like a dream come true. Their new roommate is a beautiful, super sexy young woman. And she brings over her hot friends to party. But then they somehow find a way to screw this perfect situation up.

5 second review: There's something very wrong with this picture but I just can't put my finger on it. And the thing is, something must be very right as well, because I couldn't stop watching.

IMDb score: 5/10
Our score: 5/10

Monday, November 30, 2015

Krampus will scare the bejesus out of your kids

5 second plot: When Max stops believing in Christmas an ancient evil entity called 'Krampus' comes to town. To punish all infidels.

5 second review: I was surprised to see that this Christmas-movie-with-an-attitude is very well made. It's not really scary for grown ups but I wouldn't take my kids to see it. They will have nightmares forever.

IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 7/10

Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 8: Start to Finish (mid-season finale)

5 second plot: Alexandria is overrun by walkers. Most of the Alexandrians make it to a house. But then they are trapped. Diana is bitten. Morgan and Carol clash, which gives the W a chance to escape. Jessie's kids are losing it. Rick and the people he's with have to make a run for it. But there's a whole bunch of walkers standing between them and safety.

5 second review: It's not the action packed episode I imagined it would be, but it's still very tense. There's not a lot of fighting going on, it's mostly hiding. And now we have to wait for 2,5 months to see how it will turn out. The horror...

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 1 Episode 5-10 is a crazy funny stretch

5 second plot:
Ep 5 The Host: The team tries to get the demon out of Kelly. But this demon is more powerful (and manipulative) than they thought.
Ep 6 The Killer of Killers: The cop catches up with Ash and ends up joining the team.
Ep 7 Fire in the Hole: On their way to the original cabin (to finish it all) the team runs into an armed militia that thinks they are the bad guys.
Ep 8 Ashes to Ashes: Ash arrives at the cabin. His evil hand grows another Ash. And this evil Ash kills cop-lady.
Ep 9 Bound in Flesh: The happy campers show up. It does not end well for them. Revenge-lady saves the day.
Ep 10 The Dark One: All the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Ash has to make a difficult decision.

5 second review: The first half of the first season is ridiculously awesome. The second half is a bit of a stretch. But still a lot of crazy funny dialogue and lots of over the top gore. The final episode doesn't make total sense, but I guess we're good to go for a second season.

IMDb score: 8,9/10
Our score: 9/10

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Brooklyn is for romantic souls

5 second plot: Eilis is a sweet Irish girl who travels to America (guess which city) in the 1950s. She is very homesick. Until she meets Tony. They fall in love. But then something happens that makes her go back to Ireland. And now she's torn apart by having to choose between her old home and her new one.

5 second review: This is a beautiful and sweet romance. Nothing really spectacular happens, it's all about the little things in life. But those are often the things people care about the most.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 7/10

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 7: Heads Up

5 second plot: Glenn survived. He’s trying to get back to let his wife know he’s alright. The walkers haven’t gotten through the wall yet, but the guard tower right next to the wall isn’t as stable as it should be. Rick finds out that Morgan let some of the W’s go.

5 second review: Just as they start to relax a little bit and make plans for the future, shit hits the fan. Man, they are going to have their hands full in the next episode (the mid-season finale). Glenn isn’t dead. So now I feel stupid. But I’m glad he's still alive. The zombies look amazing (again). I’m predicting that the little fucker Rick gave a gun to is going to shoot Carl in the head. Mark my words, I can feel it coming.

IMDb score: 9,1/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 1 Episode 4: Brujo

5 second plot: Ash and his crew are on the move. They are heading for Pablo's uncle. He's got spiritual powers and may be able to help them with their deadite situation. Kelly is not feeling well. The demon from the previous episode hit her harder then she thought. We find out more about the mystery woman that's always one step behind Ash. She's the daughter of the original cast that got 'Ashed'.

5 second review: Still fucking perfect. Ash for president!

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, November 20, 2015

Jessica Jones Season 1 Episode 1: AKA Ladies Night

5 second plot: We meet private investigator Jessica Jones. A troubled young woman with superstrength who is very good at what she does (investigating with an attitude). In this pilot episode she's looking for a missing girl. But there's something about this girl that feels familiar. Not in a good way.

5 second review: This is a very decent first episode. I didn't buy the drinking problem though, but I did buy the troubled bad ass vibe. There's no origin story here. We just have to figure it out as it goes a long so it seems. That's very original. I like it.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Legend is slick

5 second plot: In the 1960's the London underworld was ruled by the Kray twins. One of them was smart, slick and had a good eye for business. The other one was a dangerous psychopath that belonged in a mental institution. But when he's your brother, what are you going to do?

5 second review: Tom Hardy is one hell of an actor. His portrayal of these two lunatics is pitch perfect. They are so different that it's almost unbelievable it's the same actor portraying them both. I love the cool 'we're-not-scared-of-anyone' gangsta shit, but unfortunately this story is also about the boring parts of their lives.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 7,5/10