Friday, February 27, 2015

Focus is slick

5 second plot: Nicky is the best con man in the business. He's making tons of money. One day he meets Jess. She's also in the conning business, but not very good at  it. Nicky takes her under his wings while they prepare for the big bucks.

5 second review: This movie is lots of fun. It's really cool and full of surprises. Of course you have to go with the flow, but that's easy with the two awesomely entertaining leads.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 8 Episode 11-24

5 second plot:
Ep 11: The gang celebrates Christmas Victorian style. The guys let a bird get into the clean room.
Ep 12: Amy and Penny go shopping while the guys wait and keep an eye on their purses.
Ep 13: Sheldon is not making any progress solving dark matter problems so he tries a new approach.
Ep 14: Sheldon and Leonard publish a theory on super fluid. Stephen Hawking is intrigued.
Ep 15: Stewart's new comic book store is almost going to re-open. Howie's mom dies.
Ep 16: Sheldon and Penny take a love test. The airport loses Howie's mom.
Ep 17: Amy finds out that Sheldon filled out an application to go to Mars.
Ep 18: An article in Scientific American about Leonard and Sheldon's paper doesn't mention Leonard.
Ep 19: Leonard and Sheldon try to get in to Skywalker Ranch but things don't quite go as planned.
Ep 20: Penny and Leonard are guests in Wil Wheaton's podcast. Howard meets his half-brother.
Ep 21: The guys work on a project to send a message into space. Penny has another go at acting.
Ep 22: Raj buys a drone, but it's not working. The guys decide to fix it themselves.
Ep 23: Leonard and Sheldon's mom are visiting. They do not get along very well.
Ep 24: Amy and Sheldon have a fight. Leonard and Penny are finally getting married. Probably.

5 second review: There's lots of emotional stuff going on this season (Howie's mom dies). But overall it's still a lot of fun. With all the regular ingredients: smart ass, goofy, sweet, and super relaxed. It's just a shame they end the season on a somewhat 'less happy' note. The final episode is completely different in tone compared to the other episodes. But that doesn't spoil the fun of the season.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 9/10

The Lazarus Effect is not that bad

5 second plot: A team of researchers develops a serum (Lazarus) that brings a dead dog back to life. When one of their team members accidentally dies, they do not (really) hesitate to use the serum on her. But she might have brought something nasty back from the afterlife.

5 second review: A 75 minute movie and a 5,2 on IMDb? This did not look promising. But it's not that bad at all. Good cast, good scares, creepy shit,... Maybe a bit short, but a decent scary movie for sure.

IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 7/10

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Monsters: Dark Continent doesn’t feature a lot of monsters

5 second plot: The USA is fighting big ass monsters in the Middle East. But all these goddamn locals keep collaterally dying. And they are pissed off. So now the main problem for the US ground troops isn’t really the monsters, it’s the insurgents.

5 second review: I really didn’t want to see another Gulf War movie, I wanted to see fucking monsters. This is one seriously boring B movie, I don’t know how I got through it. The running time is 2 hours for Christ’s sake.

IMDb score: 4,7/10
Our score: 1/10

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Zombieworld is ludicrous

5 second plot: A virus (or something like that) has turned the world into zombies. Luckily there's one news station still reporting live. Thanks to a brave reporter we find out that a Spanish speaking Jesus created the first zombie some 2000 years ago. We also get lessons in killing zombies. And we go around the world to find out how bad everyone is fucked.

5 second review: This movie is just terrible. But I think they had fun making it. The make-up and special effects are horrible. No, let's make that: ludicrous.We've got Jesus and Judas killing zombies with fish (because that's something he could multiply you see). Smashing fish through their heads and stuff.

IMDb score: 3,4/10
Our score: 1/10

Sunday, February 22, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 11: The Distance

5 second plot: The group gets to meet Aaron. And he's got good news. He invites them all to come to his community. It's a safe place with big walls called Alexandria. Rick doesn't trust this guy one bit. His story just seems too good to be true.

5 second plot: What a great episode. New characters, new place, great action, awesome zombie-carnage and one off the charts cool flare-zombie. Rick is so on the edge, he could scare a grizzly bear shitless just by looking at it. The episode is presented to us in such a perfect way that we are hoping together with the characters for a 'normal life' but I must admit that even I am having second thoughts. You never can tell with this show.

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, February 20, 2015

Hot Tub Time Machine 2... why oh why?

5 second plot: The guys used the knowledge they gathered in the first movie to make their lives a bit (a lot) better. They are rich and famous, but they are also giant douchebags. And now someone shoots Lou in the dick. So they have to go back in time to stop it from happening. But they end up in the future.

5 second review: The first movie wasn't all that good, so why in God's name make a second one? Well, thank the lord that these are likable actors because this second one is seriously shitty. It only gets funny a couple of times. And this is only because I had to laugh with the sick, gross and nasty jokes, like ball juice spraying in someone's face.

IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 3/10

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 10: Them

5 second plot: The boys and girls of the human-team are sad, angry, flipping out or all of the above. They are also hungry and thirsty. They can't find any food or water on their way to Washington. But then, all of a sudden they seem to catch a break. But they have to stick together and stand their ground. Firmly.

5 second review: I love it when they're on the move. Exploring strange new places. And I also love it when the writers go back to the comics for a serious turn of events. But you have to wait until the end of the episode. This weeks special isn't zombies, but (tasty) killer dogs hunting as a pack.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, February 13, 2015

Wyrmwood is pretty cool

5 second plot: After a meteor shower hits the atmosphere almost all humans turn into zombies. Barry survives, but he has to go through great lengths to stay alive. He goes looking for his sister and picks up some friends along the way. His sister is being held captive by a crazy doctor who's experimenting on her.

5 second review: This is a pretty cool, funny, clumsy, cute, bleak Australian zombie movie. The zombies are sometimes slow, sometimes fast, they make a lot of noise and their blood lights up like gasoline. But only in the daytime. Who in the world made that up? It's awesome. There is also a crazy sort of Nazi doctor. That's a little bit overshooting it.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Kingsman: The Secret Service is great fun

5 second plot: Harry Hart works for a super secret intelligence agency. One of their agents (Kingsmen) got killed, so now they're recruiting. Harry brings in Eggsy, the son of a former colleague. He's not the obvious choice, but he might be just what the Kingsmen need.

5 second review: I was expecting funny, but not this kind of over-the-top, we-don't-give-a-fuck, not-taking-anything-seriously hilarious fun. This is what putting the wise-cracking smart-ass good times back in the secret service movie is all about.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 9/10

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Better Call Saul Season 1 Episode 1: Uno

5 second plot: This is the origin story of Saul Goodman, Breaking Bad's awesome lawyer. He's not getting any cases, he isn't making any money, his office is a dump and he doesn't look very happy. But he's got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. The only question is: when are his tricks going to start paying off.

5 second review: I am left with a lot of questions. What year are we? And 1 minute later: what year are we now? What is he doing? Who's that? Why is he...? We're not getting a lot of answers in this pilot episode. And it's great. I am very interested in finding out what the heck is going to happen next.

IMDb score: 9,3/10
Our score: 8,5/10

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 9: What Happened and What's Going On

5 second plot: Our favorite survivors are not happy campers. They are grieving over the loss of Beth. Noah was going to take Beth to a place in Virginia where there are walls surrounding a small community. The team splits up and takes the long trip to this place with their hopes up high, looking for a new place. But as usual, things do not go as planned.

5 second review: They're still not catching a break. And looking at the preview of next episode, there's still no light at the end of the tunnel. I think we need a change. And I'm not talking about a change like the new experimental style of editing (didn't enjoy that, really), but I'm talking about letting them catch a break. The episode is shit-your-pants scary and tense and the visuals are awesome. This weeks special: chopped up zombies (more on that in the next episodes I presume).

IMDb score: 9,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Maps to the Stars is pretty weird

5 second plot: This is a story about life in Hollywood. We've got an actress who wants to play the part her mother played years ago. And there is a family who's major source of income is their young son's acting career. As the stories intertwine we find out that everyone is fucking nuts without any breaks or any awareness of common decency.

5 second review: There's a lot of crazy celebrity stuff and a lot of talking. The talking gets boring fast.  It's a bit much of the same. The performances are really good. And you can feel there's an experienced filmmaker at work: it's a fun movie to look at. But as I said: boring. We must also issue a nasty penis alert at the 26 minute marker. I just can't get used to that.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 5,5/10

Friday, February 6, 2015

The Voices is one strange little

5 second plot: Jerry is a shy, weird guy with serious mental problems. His cat and dog talk to him. He falls in love with a beautiful woman at work. When she doesn't show up on their first date, she gets to meet the real Jerry.

5 second review: I didn't see this one coming one bit. This is one hell of a dark comedy. I was getting really annoyed with the Jerry character at first, because it's a bit much. But after 25 minutes this movie gets really interesting. If you like your humor pitch black, you really can't miss this one. It's best to go in without knowing too much about the plot.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Seventh Son is awesome and awful at the same time

5 second plot: Jeff Bridges is an old 'spook': he captures and/or kills creatures of the dark. He's looking for a new apprentice. The only guys he can consider are seventh sons of seventh sons. He finds hope in Tom, an apprentice with a slightly new approach to fighting witches. He will need to get up to speed fast, because there's an evil witch on the loose who wants to rule the world.

5 second review: This movie's got big names, a big budget, good special effects and a solid fantasy-level approach, so what in the world went wrong? Nobody seems to like this movie. I definitely didn't like Jeff Bridges' dialogue and his speech impediment but for me personally everything else was pretty entertaining. Too bad he talks a lot.

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Monday, February 2, 2015

Jupiter Ascending is no new Matrix

5 second plot: Jupiter leads a very normal life on planet earth. Suddenly she becomes the center of attention for a trio of galactic royalty. They mostly seem to want her dead. Because she is the reincarnation of their mother, the queen of... well, everything apparently. Luckily for Jupiter she can count on a couple of new friends to help her fend off these crazy royals.

5 second review: Unfortunately it's nothing like The Matrix. It's more like The Matrix Revolutions. It's a big show with a lot of spectacular action. With an occasional magical moment (the bees). But it's no new galaxy far far away. I especially didn't like Channing Tatum's ears. And his boots. And his shield.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 7/10