Friday, April 29, 2016

Green Room gets fired up eventually

5 second plot: A struggling punk rock band takes on a gig playing for hot headed neo-Nazis led by Captain Picard. They end up fighting for their lives after they witness something they shouldn't have.

5 second review: The set-up takes a its sweet time but when shit really hits the fan this slow burner transforms into a really awesome movie. Awesome meaning: full on carnage.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Thursday, April 28, 2016

High-Rise doesn't make much sense

5 second plot: Laing moves into a state of the art apartment building. After a while everyone starts flipping out for no apparent reason. The entire building descends into chaos.

5 second review: I don't very much like these arty-farty, style-above-content wannabees. It's no fun at all, boring and weird above anything else. It didn't make any sense to me at all.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 3/10

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 1: The Red Woman

5 second plot: Jon Snow is very dead. His buddies try to figure out what to do next. So does Melisandre. Brienne finally gets to save Sansa. The Sand Snakes take over Dorne. Daenerys is taken prisoner by the Dothraki. They try to decide whether to rape her or cut off her head. Arya is blind and gets her ass whooped with a stick.

5 second review: Am I glad that it is still awesome. The story, the visuals, the characters, the action, the back stabbing, the vengeance, the codes of honor,... It's going to be very interesting to find out where everything is going.

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, April 22, 2016

The Huntsman: Winter's War is a bit childish

5 second plot: Two huntsman have to prevent the Ice Queen from getting her hands on her sister's  mirror. If she gets her hands on it, she will be unstoppable.

5 second review: Chris Hemsworth is way too jokey. It's ridiculous. Jessica Chastain restores the balance by looking really awesome. The visual effects are nice and I always love a good eye for detail but it's all a bit childish and the story isn't strong enough to keep an audience's attention.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 5/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 20 - 24

5 second plot: The guys get worried that the military is going to be interested in the guidance system that they're developing. And then Howard gets an e-mail from the Air Force. Penny tries to bond with her mother-in-law. She and Leonard end up having a second wedding ceremony with friends and family.

5 second review: I love the fact that Penny is answering difficult (or very specific pop culture referenced) questions in stead of the braineacs. There's one Batman/Manbat situation that's just perfect. The whole freaking out about the government being interested in the guys' invention is brilliantly funny.

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 9/10

Friday, April 15, 2016

Criminal gets fired up

5 second plot: When the only man who knows the secret location of a computer wizard that can blow up the world dies, the CIA decides to put his memories in the brain of a crazy killer. (It's a very state of the art procedure, don't ask too many questions.) But this crazy killer also inherits the skill-set of the (dead) highly trained CIA operative. And that means: party time.

5 second review: What are all these big name actors doing in a movie like this? Did you read the plot? If you are wondering: is it really as stupid as it sounds? Yes, it is. I did like Kevin Costner in bad ass mode though. He rocks.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 5/10

Thursday, April 14, 2016

The Trust has got talent at work

5 second plot: Two guys working in the evidence administration department of the police are bored and decide to pull off a heist. They want to break into a big vault. They don't know what exactly is in it but they know it's big. And it's the kind of content that no-one will call the cops for when it goes missing.

5 second review: It's good to see that Nicolas Cage and Elijah Wood still got it. But they need decent material to work with. And that's what this is. It does get a bit overly weird and mysterious at a certain point, but overall this is a pretty great heist movie.

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 8/10

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Captain America: Civil War is totally awesome

5 second plot: The world wants all superheroes to sign an agreement that restricts their superhero activities. Iron Man is pro, Captain America not so much. They both assemble (see what I did there) a team and start butting heads.

5 second review: There's more drama in here than usual and I'm not too fond of good guys fighting each other but I still had a whole lot of fun with this movie. The action sequences are spectacular, the comic book references are amazing, the characters are perfect and the story is good enough to keep everything together. And I love the new Spidey. And his aunt.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Fear the Walking Dead Season 2 tries to be original

5 second plot: Spoilers ahoy! Travis, Madison and co try to find a safe place, a new home. They start their quest on Strand's cool boat. He's got a place in Mexico. When that doesn't work out, the group falls apart. People die, people kill. The new reality they live in, isn't a pretty one. Zombies are often not the main problem. People are.

5 second review: The stupid things these people do... it's a miracle they're not all dead. There's a lot of talking, a lot of heartbreak and a little bit of action. This action (and the gore that comes with it) is often very good and very original (floating zombies, a crab snack zombie, killer dogs,..) but there's not a lot of it. So if you came for the action, know that you will have to sit through 90% of talking too.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 7/10

Friday, April 8, 2016

The Boss doesn't really cut it

5 second plot: A rich self centered business woman gets sent to jail and loses everything. After her jail-time she's only got her too-good-for-this-world former assistant to turn to. But she's ready to get back on her feet and show the world what she's made of.

5 second review: The jokes only work when Melissa McCarthy gets on a roll and starts babbling weird offensive shit. Too bad this is only a small percentage of the running time. The story (what story?) relies totally on her talent as a comedian. She's got talent to spare, but it's not in this movie.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 4/10

The Invitation asks a lot

5 second plot: Will is going to a dinner party organized by his ex-wife. All his old friends are there. It's sort of a get together. He hasn't seen them in a long time. It's kind of an awkward situation. There is a lot of 'baggage' between everyone. After a while Will senses that something is very wrong.

5 second review: I really had to hang in there with this movie. Because it takes a very very very long time for this story to come to its conclusion. And this very long time is filled with awkward, sad, emotional, weird moments. And I'm not too fond of those. But the conclusion is solid. Very solid.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 6/10

Hardcore Henry is one hell of a ride

5 second plot: From the minute Henry (the guy from the title) wakes up (without memories or speech) he is under attack. He seems to be some sort of half-human, half-cyborg supersoldier. And someone really wants him captured (or dead). But he's not about to let that happen.

5 second review: This movie is entirely shot from the point of view of Henry. A shaky-cam headache is practically guaranteed. But it's worth it. It's a roller coaster ride from beginning till end. It's action packed, bloody, intense, fast paced, original and very very hardcore indeed.

IMDb score: 7,1/10
Our score: 9/10

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Blood Sombrero is half assed cool

5 second plot: Everyone in the movie is looking for an ancient magic box that holds unlimited power. Or something like that. And they will kill everyone in their path to get their hands on it.

5 second review: This was made on a shoestring budget with friends and family. And with a little help from the local strip joint. Everything is half assed (the 'stunts' for instance). But I still salute everyone involved for the great effort. There are things in this movie that are actually cool. And I even had to laugh a couple of times.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 5/10

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 16: Last Day on Earth (season finale)

5 second plot: Maggie is very sick. Rick wants to take her to the Hilltop (to the doctor). A bunch of friends volunteer to come along. But the Alexandrians managed to piss off the Saviors so bad, that they are playing a cat and mouse game with them on the road. And it's not looking good for Rick and co. Not good at all. These Saviors have got some serious numbers.

5 second review: I only liked two things about this episode. Morgan running into what seems to be warriors of the Kingdom. And the introduction of Negan. He's the man. I think they got him right. So if you add those two things up, I liked about 15 mts of this very long episode. What I especially did not like is the ridiculous cat and mouse game. It's ludicrous. I thought The Walking Dead didn't do ludicrous.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Sunday, April 3, 2016

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 19: The Solder Excursion Diversion

5 second plot: Sheldon's laptop dies. Amy buys him a new one. And this leads to her finding out something about Sheldon no-one else knows. Penny and Bernadette help Howard and Leonard with their science project. When the guys run out to get solder, they get distracted.

5 second review: This is a brilliantly funny episode. After all these years we get to know something new about Sheldon, how about that? If you pay attention, you can spot lots of great details in the background.

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, April 1, 2016

Pandemic is just riding the wave

5 second plot: A virus has turned everyone into killers. The world is a war-zone. The army has got a secure location. They are sending out extraction teams to bring in survivors that are not infected. But it's getting more and more difficult to make it back safe.

5 second review: I don't think we really need another one of these virus-movies. There's nothing here I haven't seen before. It's rather boring. And it's filmed with shaky cameras attached to the helmet. So every time there's a big fight you have to focus really hard to see a damned thing because the camera is shaking all over the place like crazy. I hate that.

IMDb score: 4,6/10
Our score: 2/10

The Girl in the Photographs has got one major flaw

5 second plot: Colleen is stalked by someone who leaves pictures of mutilated women for her to find. The cops don't take it seriously. They think it's just make-up and someone's way of asking for attention. But we know that there's a serial killer at work and that he's closing in.

5 second review: For a low budget horror movie this is actually not bad. There certainly are talented people at work here. But there is one thing that's very wrong, and that's the casting of Kumar as a stuck up photographer. My god, is he annoying. He almost single-handedly destroys everything that's good about the movie.

IMDb score: 4,9/10
Our score: 5/10