Saturday, October 31, 2015

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 1 Episode 1: El Jefe

5 second plot: 30 years ago Ash had a run-in with some Deadites. Now these fuckers seem to be back. The world is counting on good old Ash to save the day. Since, well, he's the one that accidentally unleashed them again.

5 second review: Bruce Campbell is a natural born awesome guy. And this is a gloriously groovy episode. The effects are not always top notch, but it's still everything I hoped it would be. Lots of creepy looking Deadites, lots of blood, some heads chopped off (or blown off) and a whole lot of fun. The tone is just perfect. You have to be a bit of a fan of the genre to really enjoy it, but then again, you wouldn't be watching 'Ash vs Evil Dead' if you weren't.

IMDb score: 9,6/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, October 30, 2015

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a movie worthy of its title

5 second plot: Three scouts have to save their town from a zombie apocalypse.

5 second review: With a title like that, what could go wrong. Nothing. This movie defies all zombie rules. But that's okay. It's not top notch but the kids are definitely alright and it's just a whole lot of fun. Childish but awesome. I laughed my ass off.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Freaks of Nature was a great idea

5 second plot: Humans, zombies and vampires are coexisting peacefully in the small town of Dillford. But then aliens invade the place and everything falls apart. Now it's up to three youngsters to figure out what the aliens want and get their town back to 'normal'.

5 second review: Why hasn't anyone thought of this sooner? This is one hell of a concept. It's a very decent movie, it's not shitty at all. The lead actors are awesome. The special effects are very much okay. There's not a lot going on story-wise, but it's just crazy fun. That's more than enough for me.

IMDb score: 5,9/10
Our score: 8/10

Monday, October 26, 2015

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 6: The Helium Insufficiency

5 second plot: Leonard and Sheldon find out that a Swedish team is going to do the same experiment as they are. They want to beat them to it, but they need helium and they're all out. So they go on the black market. But it scares the living shit out of them. The others are trying to find Amy a perfect date.

5 second review: Sheldon who just won't stop yapping and gets himself into trouble by doing so always cracks me up. Also, the guys who want to act tough, then chicken out and in the end still decide to go for it (and get charged every time) is brilliant.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Visions is not bad at all

5 second plot: When Eveleigh and her husband move to a new house in the country she starts experiencing supernatural stuff. Everyone thinks she's losing it because she's pregnant and is still mentally recovering from a terrible car crash that happened a year ago.

5 second review: I'm a sucker for these scary supernatural movies. That's a big advantage because I get sucked right in. Not very much explicitly scary happens but it creeps up on you. And you will probably be guessing until the very end about what's going on. I certainly was. I don't know why the IMDb score is so low. It might have something to do with the short running time (1:16 without the end credits).

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Sunday, October 25, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 3: Thank You

5 second plot: This episode is all about Rick and his crew trying to survive the big ass herd that's on their tail. Of course: nothing goes as planned. And everything just falls apart. The Alexandrians without fighting skills are the first ones to die. But they're not the only ones. We also have to say goodbye to one of our favorite characters...

5 second review: Huge spoiler-alert! This is an extremely tense episode. People are dying all over the place, everyone's getting trapped, enormous amounts of zombies are closing in and everyone's just losing his/her shit. After these first three episodes a character is either dead or emotionally completely destroyed. And they're not out of this mess just yet. I knew Glenn's time was probably up (in the comics he also dies in the Alexandria-time-frame), but I was really hoping he'd be around a lot longer on screen. His death really sucks.

IMDb score: 9,8/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, October 23, 2015

Steve Jobs is all about the man

5 second plot: We get a backstage pass to Steve Jobs' life. Minutes before every (well, the first three big ones) launch everyone close to him feels the need to tell him what they really think.

5 second review: It's a good movie and a great performance. But you have to know it's all about the clockwork of the man, not of the machines. It's not about the awesome speeches, but about the man in between them. I was expecting the speeches though, so that was a little bit of a bummer.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 7/10

Bone Tomahawk requires a strong stomach

5 second plot: When three people are kidnapped by cave dwellers that eat their prisoners, a rescue party goes after them. Things do not go smoothly. The story is set in the Wild Wild West; you know, when road trips were still a bitch. It doesn't help that one of the saviors has got a bad leg and can barely walk.

5 second review: This is one of those slow burning tough westerns. The characters are set up perfectly. You know exactly why everyone is doing what they're doing. You're not sure if anyone's going to make it though. And there is one brutally visual kill in here that will make your stomach do a triple back-flip. Guaranteed.

IMDb score: 7,1/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Rock the Kasbah is a strange mix

5 second plot: Bill Murray is a rock tour manager who hasn't been very successful lately. Destiny brings him to Afghanistan where he discovers a young woman with a beautiful voice. Now all he's got to do is defy all the local traditions, get his new talent on TV and not get everyone killed in the process.

5 second review: The mix of fact and fiction; humor and social comment is sometimes confusing. He might be a smooth talker, but no way he could convince anyone this easy in real life. Bill Murray is great (so is everyone else as a matter of fact; even Bruce Willis). It's the kind of role where he gets to say 'I'm not a loser; I'm a quitter' without even blinking.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 6/10

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension is not for everyone

5 second plot: A family starts seeing a strange entity in their house after the father finds an old peculiar camera. This entity is very interested in their little girl. And it seems to be up to no good.

5 second review: These movies always scare the crap out of me. This time we get to really see the entity, so it's not as mysterious as the previous ones. If you look at the IMDb score, you'd have to say most people don't approve. But I actually liked it. It's a good addition to the franchise. It might even be the conclusion. Who knows. Probably not.

IMDb score: 4,5/10
Our score: 7/10

Monday, October 19, 2015

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 5: The Perspiration Implementation

5 second plot: The guys want to try sports. They start with fencing. And even go to a sports bar afterwards. The girls try to help Stuart. Women seem to be avoiding his comic book store. Maybe it's because there's a creepy guy behind the counter.

5 second review: That's better. After the previous boring and totally un-funny episodes, this one's okay again. Not top notch just yet, be definitely better.

IMDb score: 7,8/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 2: JSS

5 second plot: We find out who was honking the horn at the end of the previous episode. Apparently Alexandria was under attack. Not by walkers but by a (pretty large) group of crazy people. The ones with the ‘W’ on their forehead. They just start slaughtering everyone they lay their eyes on.

5 second review: This is, again, one hell of an episode. Holy crapper. I was prepared for a herd to knock over the walls of Alexandria, but not for this. Humans killing humans… the only one who seems to realize that it’s just crazy is Morgan. There are a lot of tense fights, we get a lot of blood and quite a few severed limbs. And all the cowards come to the surface. Well, there goes the peaceful neighborhood. And they’ve still got a big ass herd coming their way.

IMDb score: 9,6/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, October 16, 2015

Crimson Peak is a work of art

5 second plot: Edith leads a worry-less life (aside from the fact she sees nasty ghosts) together with her (wealthy) father. When her father dies she marries Thomas who takes her to his house in England. It's a creepy old rotting house. He lives there together with his sister. Who is also pretty creepy. It doesn't take long for Edith to figure out that something's not right.

5 second review: This is a gorgeous ghost mystery. Beautifully shot with an eye for detail that is out of this world. The ghosts are awesome and the characters are perfect. The conclusion is a tiny bit disappointing but overall this is truly a work of art.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 9/10

Room is something else

5 second plot: A 5 year old boy lives with his mom in 'room' (not 'a' room, just 'room'). He has never ever seen the outside world and he doesn't even know there's anything beyond room. But his mom has plans that will make his tiny world a whole lot bigger.

5 second review: Wow, what an amazing performance by Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay. This is something you don't see every day. It's a heavy story but it's also a very beautiful one. It's definitely a must see for a real movie fan.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 8/10

SuperBob is SuperSweet

5 second plot: Bob got hit by a meteorite and now he's got superpowers. He works for Great-Britain's ministry of defense. The one thing he really wants is a girlfriend. He hasn't had a proper date in six years. But now it seems the time has come to give it another go.

5 second review: This is very British. It's not an American-style superhero-smashdown. It looks more like a TV movie. Bob is kind of a loser, he gets in a lot of awkward situations and people aren't really nice to him. Of course this changes as the story moves along. For Bob it's a sort of coming of age tale.

IMDb score; 5,4/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Goosebumps is really for kids

5 second plot: Zach and his mom move from New York to a small town. He instantly connects with his next door neighbor Hannah. But her weird father doesn't want her to have any contact with the outside world. Zach soon finds out what that's all about.

5 second review: The best thing about the movie is the kid actors, they do a great job. The creatures are pretty decent too. The writers made it very easy for themselves, it's all very much of the same, there was no challenge in writing this movie and it shows. And the children's logic doesn't always make sense to adults.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Bridge of Spies is solid

5 second plot: In the heat of the Cold War a lawyer is asked to represent a Russian spy. Later on he's asked to arrange the exchange of an American pilot shot down above Russia against this spy.

5 second review: When Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks join up for a historical movie inspired by true events you already know upfront that it's a sure bet. It's beautifully shot, in a very realistic Cold War setting (no expense is spared to show the outside world as it was) and the performances are magnificent.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Sand is quite decent

5 second plot: After a wild party on the beach a group of youngsters wake up to find themselves hunted down by a creature in the sand. Everyone that steps on the sand is eaten alive.

5 second review: This is a pretty decent horror/creature feature. Seriously. The effects are not always top notch, but it's not horrible. They really did a good effort to make it look decent. The actors are pretty convincing (really!). And it's tense man. I'm not going to the beach any time soon. No sir.

IMDb score: 3,9/10
Our score: 7/10

The Last Witch Hunter is mega cool

5 second plot: Vin Diesel killed a very powerful queen witch 800 years ago. She cursed him to walk the earth for eternity (in other words: he can't die). He's been hunting witches ever since. He's gotten a bit friendlier with them, but he's still bad ass. And now someone killed his friend. So it's no more mister nice guy.

5 second review: Vin Diesel doesn't just have A sword. His sword is on fucking FIRE. And he is mega cool and relaxed because he can't be killed. It would have been really funny if the handle of the flaming sword would get really hot and he'd be like 'oooh, that's hot'. The effects are good, the mythology and the behind-the-scenes-witchery is cool. And I gotta get me a sword like that.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 8/10

Monday, October 12, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 1: First Time Again

5 second plot: Rick stumbles upon a huge pit where a herd of walkers has gathered. The way out of the pit is blocked, but the walkers have grown so large in number that it's not going to hold. If they get out, they will head straight for Alexandria. So Rick sets a daring plan in motion to draw them away. In the meantime Rick and Morgan get reacquainted and Rick has to flex his muscles a couple of times.

5 second review: I think I held my breath the entire first three minutes. Wow. This season starts with a bang. A big one. The make-up guys must have worked day and night on these gazillion walkers. They look awesome. I think it's already safe to say this is going to be a great season.

IMDb score: 9,3/10
Our score: 9,5/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 4: The 2003 Approximation

5 second plot: Leonard and Penny move in together. Sheldon loses his shit a little bit and decides to act like it's 2003, a time before he met Leonard. Howard and Raj form a band to play in Stuart's store.

5 second review: The singing is definitely not cool. Please. Do. NOT. Do. It. Again. What is happening? Let's get the smart ass lingo and stupid jokes back please.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Friday, October 9, 2015

Knock Knock gets fired up eventually

5 second plot: Evan is home alone for the weekend. His wife and kids are out. On the first night two gorgeous young girls knock on his door, soaking wet, asking for help. He lets them in, since he's a really nice guy. But then the girls get frisky and he starts getting uncomfortable. He doesn't know this is only the beginning of the worst weekend of his life.

5 second review: The first half of the movie is a struggle. It's silly and over the top. It's just not convincing. There's only so much good dialogue you can come up with about two young girls trying to seduce an older guy. After 5 mts it's all gone so after 30 mts it gets really boring. But the second half of the movie is very interesting. These girls get their freak on big time.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 7/10

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Heroes Reborn Season 1 Episode 4: The Needs of the Many

5 second plot: Noah and co are looking for Molly Walker. The Arctic Circle girl is on the move. Tommy's mom is not doing well. He desperately wants to save her but this might mean exposing his powers. Miko and Ren come to America. Something big is still going to happen. There are whispers of 7 billion people that are going to die.

5 second review: Where is this all going? It feels like nowhere and I don't feel like wasting my time while they try to figure it out. The effects are not very good. The Iron Man wannabe is silly. And the episode starts with another happy kill of a family man. It just doesn't feel right.

IMDb score: 8,7/10
Our score: 3/10

Monday, October 5, 2015

The Big Bang Theory Season 9 Episode 3: The Bachelor Party Corrosion

5 second plot: The guys take Leonard on a surprise bachelor trip to Mexico. Penny tells her dad she got married. Amy gets her ears pierced.

5 second review: This is a pretty boring episode with just a couple of funny moments. They can't all be winners I guess.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 6/10

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Fear the Walking Dead Season 1 Episode 6: The Good Man (season finale)

5 second plot: The Manawas and Salazars are getting the hell out of Dodge. But not before they get the whole family back together. And that means taking on the soldiers. With a little help from some friends. The stranger that saved Nick's life tags along. And he might just be their ticket to safety. Because he is prepared.

5 second review: This is one awesome episode. It's definitely not cool that our survivors leave a whole bunch of people to die just to save a few of their own, but it sure did result in good TV. The fights are great, there are lots of zombies, shocking images, toe curling tension and the one thing our friends of The Walking Dead haven't thought about yet.

IMDb score: 9,1/10
Our score: 9/10