Friday, January 29, 2016

The Finest Hours is spectacular

5 second plot: In 1952 a crew of four goes out in a small rescue boat during a (big) storm to rescue the crew of an oil tanker that broke in half. It's a true story of awesome real life heroes.

5 second review: The adventure part of the movie is very spectacular. You can almost feel the water hitting your face. It's not just the visual effects that do the trick, but also the great performances by everyone involved. On the downside, the romantic drama part feels unnecessary and doesn't really fit in the story.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 7/10

Jane Got a Gun is a lot better than the title

5 second plot: The woman from the title hasn't had it easy living in the wild wild west. And now her husband got them in a whole lot of trouble. There's a notorious gang out looking for them. And they are closing in. If they want to have a fighting chance, Jane will have to get help.

5 second review: I was not expecting a great old fashioned gun slinging western when a read that title. What a poor choice of words for a great movie like this. It's got everything a good western should have.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Mountain Men is a bit of everything

5 second plot: Two brothers get a chance to catch up while trying to survive on a snowy mountain.

5 second review: I can't tell if this is supposed to be mainly a comedy, or a brotherly love drama or an adventure. It's a little bit of everything. I think they tried to make it a laugh out loud comedy, but that didn't really work out. It's not terrible, but not very much interesting happens. It's also nothing new, it feels like I've seen it a thousand times before.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 5/10

Monday, January 25, 2016

The X-Files Season 1 Episode 2: Founder's Mutation

5 second plot: When a man kills himself under strange circumstances Mulder and Scully are brought in to investigate. They are quickly shut down when the Department of Defense appears to be involved. M & S believe someone is experimenting with/on kids; trying to make 'better' humans by adding some alien to the mix.

5 second review: This is truly a cool X-File episode like back in the good old days. It stills feels a little weird that they just pick up their old job after so many years and after so many things happened that made them stop. The dream sequences about their kid doesn't help make it less weird. BUT. That being said. Cool episode!

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Sunday, January 24, 2016

The X-Files Season 1 Episode 1: My Struggle

5 second plot: Mulder and Scully are approached by a rich conspiracy theory talk show host. He convinces them to take a look at his evidence. Scully is skeptic. Mulder almost immediately draws the conclusion that all the alien stuff that has been going on for the last 60 years, might not be as alien as he thought it was. He is convinced that he's right this time.

5 second review: This first episode is a bit of a tornado. The constant cryptic back and forth dialogue is overwhelming. Also, everyone seems to run along with everything a bit too easy. But I'm very excited Mulder and Scully are back. The special effects are real impressive. The UFO crash landing (also to be seen in the trailer) is super awesome.

IMDb score: 9,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, January 22, 2016

The 5th Wave didn't get the memo

5 second plot: Aliens attack earth. Lots of people die. Cassie survives. Her goal is to find her kid brother. And open up a can of whoop-ass on these aliens b*tches.

5 second review: In this day and age we're used to realistic (zombies are real man, you know it) Walking Dead-style end of the world stories, not  this romantic boo-hoo one man (almost) mission crap. I didn't like the kid soldiers and the way the story centers around them. But most of all, I didn't like the fact that there's no ending. You sit through a movie you don't really enjoy very much, and then you finally reach the end. And there isn't one. Not cool.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 4/10

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is not as much fun as I expected it to be

5 second plot: A couple of hundred years ago England was overrun by zombies. This is the story of how 5 sisters survive by becoming kick-ass zombie slayers and how they are always on the lookout for a good husband.

5 second review: This is a bit of a bummer. With a title like that you create an expectation. The expectation of a fun, over the top zombie slaying blood-fest. Instead, this is a mix of a low budget zombie movie (pick one), Cinderella and Game of Thrones. I can only give points for trying and for the simple fact that Lily James is in it. Okay, and for the cool title. And the awesome poster.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 5/10

Dirty Grandpa is not as painful as I thought

5 second plot: Jason's grandpa takes him on a (sort of) road trip to make him see that he's turned into a stuck up boring little bitch.

5 second review: I wasn't looking forward to seeing Robert De Niro, this great movie icon, jerk himself off. But I did have to laugh my ass off with some of the things that come out of his mouth. The dialogue is so over the top foul-mouthed, it cracked me up. Also, the supporting characters are amazing. But if silly dick jokes offend you, it's best to stay away from this one.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 7/10

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Veil left me with more questions than answers

5 second plot: 25 years after a cult committed mass suicide the sole survivor (then a 5 year old girl) goes back with a film crew to figure out what exactly happened. When they get there strange things start happening.

5 second review: It's a dark and spooky movie. There's this cool threatening sound-effect the entire running time. I thought it was cool but some people will find this very annoying.  I couldn't wrap my head around the practical side of the story. I think they figured out that it doesn't all really add up and decided it would be best not to explain anything in the hopes no-one would ask any questions.

IMDb score: 5/10
Our score: 5/10

Friday, January 15, 2016

400 Days keeps you guessing

5 second plot: Three men and one woman go in an underground vessel for 400 days to simulate a long space voyage. They were told that there would be obstacles and problems that they have to overcome. But after a while they're not sure anymore of what's real and what's not.

5 second review: It's not a big spectacle, it's not really a great story and it's not really that interesting. But you will be guessing until the very end. So I... ahum... guess that's pretty well done. However. I have to say the ending disappointed me. That's not a cool feeling after sitting through a not-that-interesting movie for an hour and a half.

IMDb score: 4,5/10
Our score: 4/10

A Perfect Day is not a comedy

5 second plot: We follow a group of aid workers in the Balkan, during the time when it was a war zone. They try to get a dead body out of a well, but they run into one problem after another.

5 second review: The tone of the movie is very lighthearted and the dialogue is often funny (Tim Robbins is amazing). But that doesn't mean that this is a comedy.  This lightheartedness just increases the devastatingly sad feeling you get while watching people like you and me lose everything they have because of a war they have nothing to do with.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 8/10

Intruders is interesting

5 second plot: Three men break into the house of Anna, a young troubled woman suffering from agoraphobia. Because of her fear, she can't leave the house. Her only option for survival is to fight back.

5 second review: I was expecting a big slasher horror movie, so I was a bit disappointed that there's only a little bit of slashing going on. But it is a very interesting plot, I have to give it that. It's not something you see every day. It's nice to see someone break the 'rules' of the genre every once in awhile.

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

13 Hours The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi is not as simple as it looks

5 second plot: It's open season on Americans in Benghazi, Libya. A handful of US mercenaries has to try to keep a secret US compound safe long enough for things to cool down or for help to arrive.

5 second review: It's a cool war/action flick with lots of guns, explosions, fights and an awesome team of hardcore US soldiers ready to die to protect. But there is a lot more to this true story than what is told in this movie.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Sunday, January 10, 2016

House of Manson is not cool

5 second plot: It's the life story of notorious criminal Charles Manson.

5 second review: It couldn't have been easy to tell this story as boring as they did. The dialogue is not good and the actors don't seem to know what they're doing. It's terrible.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 0/10

Friday, January 8, 2016

The Forest is not creepy enough

5 second plot: When her twin sister goes missing in Japan, Sara flies over there to start looking for her. But her sister was last seen entering 'suicide forest'. A very creepy place where people go to kill themselves.

5 second review: Stay on the path. Don't stay after dark. Guess what our smart ass lead characters do? The idea of this creepy forest definitely works (by the way: this forest really exists: check it out). But that's all this is: a good creepy idea. We get a couple of flashes of nasty ghosts, but overall it's very slim on the scary scale.

IMDb score: 5/10
Our score: 5/10

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Ride Along 2 is simple fun

5 second plot: James and Ben are at it again. This time they're in Miami trying to find a hacker who can help them bust a drug dealer. But they quickly find out that they ended up in a much bigger picture.

5 second review: The plot is extremely simple. You have to be able to look past that if you want to enjoy the movie. Kevin Hart does what he does best: making people laugh. Olivia Munn is a very good addition to the cast. And I'm guessing they put Ice Cube in charge of the soundtrack and the rides, because they are seriously cool.

IMDb score: 5,9/10
Our score: 7/10

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Little Dead Rotting Hood is not terrible

5 second plot: In a small town wolves suddenly start attacking people. Lucky for the town Little Dead Rotting Hood just rose from the grave. And she's ready to kick some wolf butt.

5 second review: I just couldn't resist that title. The movie is very low budget and of course it shows. But although it's often ridiculous it's actually not terrible.

IMDb score: 3,4/10
Our score: 4/10

Friday, January 1, 2016

Baskin is pretty nasty

5 second plot: When five cops respond to a call for back up they end up going into an abandoned house. Where they make a horrible discovery.

5 second review: It's pretty awesome how this apparently normal (Turkish) cop movie turns into cannibal holocaust all of a sudden. This is only for horror-fans with a strong stomach. It's a bit too nasty for my taste. But I'm always glad people are still making these hardcore horror slasher fests.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 5/10