Tuesday, July 30, 2013

2 Guns should have had a Riggs and Murthaugh cameo

5 second plot: Two cool thugs want to rob a bank to steal (a lot of) money from another (high end) thug. The bank holds a lot more money than they were expecting. And then they find out about each other that they aren't really thugs. And then the army, CIA, DEA and FBI appear to be involved someway or another.

5 second review: Marky Mark is becoming one of my favorite actors. He even made me like Denzel Washington. And I did not like Denzel. Not a bit. It was only after the movie that I realized why I liked it as much as I did. It's a Lethal Weapon remake! Clean and simple. And it works!

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 9/10
Box Office Mojo: 104 mio $ (on 6-10-2013)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Under the Dome Season 1 Episode 6: The Endless Thirst

5 second plot: Everyone's suddenly scared that they will run out of supplies, like water and food. So they start fighting each other. Just as things get really out of hand, it starts raining. The two kids with the pink stars are transmitting some sort of radio wave.

5 second review: I finally know what's wrong with the reporter. She's got a really boring voice. The rest was okay this episode, but not very much is going on. Except for the riots, the killings and the back stabbing.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Sunday, July 28, 2013

True Blood Season 6 Episode 7: In the Evening

5 second plot: The governor is dead, his crazy love interest takes over (Jason's old acquaintance). Eric escapes the vamp prison and tries to save his sister. Bill tries to save everyone else from his vision of the future. And Sookie gets to flash her boobs. The fans are reportedly all very happy.

5 second review: All the characters are cool one way or another: the old ones, the new ones, the renewed old ones. It's pretty great. Only Jessica slips up a bit with some blabla and boohoo. It's a great episode: it's fun, it's cool and it's sexy.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 9/10

Falling Skies Season 3 episode 9: Journey to Xilbalba

5 second plot: The Volm bunker (where the weapon to save mankind is held) explodes. The human bunker (where they live) collapses. And the rest of the episode they try to get out. And they catch the mole.

5 second review: Ridiculous, filled with crazy coincidences and boring as shit. I've just about had it with this crap.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 2/10

Friday, July 26, 2013

The Wolverine is not very good, is it?

5 second plot: The Wolverine goes to Japan to say goodbye to an old friend he saved from the atomic bomb back in the day. He gets entangled in a family dispute and ends up having to save the pretty granddaughter from the family.

5 second review: This is not much of a story, now is it? It's actually pretty crappy. The Wolverine is cool, there's no doubt about that. And some fight scenes are pretty well done. But overall? Not very good. They even have him fighting a robot. Come on.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 5/10
Box Office Mojo: 414 mio $ worldwide (on 13-11-2013)

The Way Way Back is magnificent

5 second plot: Duncan has to spend the summer at the beach house of his stepdad. His stepdad is a total dick. Duncan finds 'refuge' in a water park nearby. The owner takes him in and Duncan opens up.

5 second review: Steve Carell as a fucking asshole. You don't see that every day. This is one of those stories that is so beautiful and funny and that gets under your skin without you noticing it. Remember Adventureland? It's the same story basically, but very well done. Gorgeous. I love this movie.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 10/10

Blue Jasmine is an empty bucket

5 second plot: A woman moves in with her sister after she loses everything because her husband was put in jail. She was very rich. And now she's not. And she's having difficulties dealing with that. And with a lot of other stuff.

5 second review: After 20 minutes the continuous yapping drove me nuts. Bla bla bla yappedieyap. My god. And 10 minutes later I realized that nothing interesting was going to happen for the rest of the movie. Apparently you either love it or hate it. At least I now know what side I am on.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 3/10

Monday, July 22, 2013

Under the Dome Season 1 Episode 5: Blue on Blue

5 second plot: The government is dropping a huge bomb on the dome. I don't know what they were thinking but their plan backfires a tad.

5 second review: Besides from the cool view on the obliterated surroundings of the dome, this was a very stupid episode. Bad acting, ridiculously unbelievable side stories, and what's up with the journalism? No one cares.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, July 21, 2013

True Blood Season 6 Episode 6: Don't You Feel Me

5 second plot: Jason is out saving Jessica. Bill is seriously pissed and is off kicking some human ass. The Governor gets it big time. But not before unleashing a vampire killing virus. Sookie is off to fairy land with Warlock. He's actually a pretty nice guy. So it seems.

5 second review: This is a cool episode. There is cool vampire stuff, get's very steamy and how long has it been since someone's head was torn off. Too long. Jason rocks. Lafayette gets to speak again. Finally. And I don't know what Bill is planning, but it's going to be big.

IMDb score: not yet available on posting date
Our score: 8/10

Falling Skies Season 3 Episode 8: Strange Brew

5 second plot: This episode is like the Ghosts of Christmas Past. We are inside Tom's head while the evil aliens are trying to manipulate his brain to give up the location where the rebels will strike. Anyhow. The bad boys and girls get their grid up. So time's running out, I guess.

5 second review: I don't like this kind of shits and giggles. This is probably great fun for the crew but extremely boring for the viewer.

IMDb score: 7,1/10
Our score: 4/10

Friday, July 19, 2013


5 second plot: Nick gets assigned to the Rest In Peace Department after he gets murdered by his partner. It is an 'afterlife' department that deals with dead folks that prefer not to go to heaven or what ever the hell (I know it's stupid) it is dead people are sent to in this movie.

5 second review: There is a really funny running joke with the appearance of our main characters to the living. The rest of the movie is do-able, but absolutely not what it could have been and filled with holes in the plot and logic.

IMDb score: 5,4/10
Our score: 6/10
Box Office Mojo: 62 mio $ worldwide (on 29-08-2013)

Red 2 is quite the cliche but still pretty decent

5 second plot: Frank and his buds are out to save the world. Or at least a big part of it. To do that they need all the help they can get: from old friends and former enemies. All while being chased by the best hit-man in the world.

5 second review: There was not a lot of inspiration to cover new ground now, was there? We even get to see a car ride under a trailer. How long has that been? Too long, that's for sure. All cliches aside, I enjoyed the movie very much, actually. It's entertaining and fun.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10
Box Office Mojo: 137 mio $ worldwide (on 22-11-2013)

Only God Forgives

5 second plot: An American drug dealer goes nuts in Bangkok. He kills a young girl in the process. Her father kills him, assisted by a policeman. Now the mother of the American nutcase wants everyone involved with her son's death killed. And she's looking at her other son to take action, but he's not budging.

5 second review: So this is what happens when you take the perfect atmosphere of Drive too far. The violence is pretty spectacular though. Extreme, but it did keep my eyes from falling shut.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 6/10
Box Office Mojo: 9 mio $ (on 08-08-2013)

The Conjuring

5 second plot: Ed and Lorraine Warren are asked to help a family with their paranormal problems. The house the family recently moved to, appears to be haunted by a couple of ghosts, with one pack master to lead them all: a very powerful witch.

5 second review: It's a classic haunted house story, but a very scary and disturbing one. Five minutes in the movie, they already find the hidden basement. If you want to be scar(r)ed even more, read about the real Warren's before you see the movie. That room and that doll are not made up.

IMDb score: 7,8/10
Our score: 8/10
Box Office Mojo: 170 mio $ worldwide (on 16-08-2013)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Under the Dome Season 1 Episode 4: Outbreak

5 second plot: Half the town suddenly gets meningitis and the antibiotics (and not to forget: doctors to treat the sick) are running low. Barbie has to confess half and half that he knew Julia's husband. Junior's prisoner tries to escape a couple of times. Most of the people stuck under the dome are becoming very impatient. And a lot of people die every episode, come to think of it.

5 second review: This was a good one, you could almost feel how scary it must be to be trapped for god knows how long with limited supplies. A lot of seriously bad things can happen. Especially if you're trapped with the wrong kind of people.

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, July 14, 2013

True Blood Season 6 Episode 5: Fuck the Pain Away

5 second plot: Practically all our vamps get locked up in the special testing facility. No idea how that will turn out. Just as Warlow was getting warmed up, Bill pulls out his plug: it seems the two have somewhat of a special relationship. And we find out a lot about the origins of the vampires.

5 second review: Damned. After the previous episode I really thought we were on a roll again, but then this episode comes a long. The story simply comes to a stop to portray a lot of weird and crazy stuff that just doesn't make sense.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 6/10

Falling Skies Season 3 Episode 7: The Pickett Line

5 second plot: The Masons are searching for Anne and the baby. They run into another family that is out to get their supplies. Back in Charleston the government is moving Pope's trailer so now the little winer is pissed off and organizes some sort of work strike. And we learn a little bit more about the big gun the Volm are building.

5 second review: Again a couple of surprises. And if we can believe the preview, the biggest one is yet to come. It's good that the family is on the move again, but was it really necessary to have them get robbed, then get their stuff back, then get overpowered again and then turn the tables again? And this shit with Pope is starting to get on my nerves. Get this stupid character off the show. Pretty please.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 6/10

Friday, July 12, 2013

Pacific Rim

5 second plot: Gigantic alien monsters are invading Earth through a dimension portal in the ocean. The only thing keeping them from destroying everything on their path, are the (also) gigantic Jaeger robots piloted by two humans who's brains are connected in a 'drift'.

5 second review: Now that's what I call a monster movie! The monsters and the robots are amazing: they look as awesome as they could ever be. The only annoying thing in the movie is the supposedly funny scientists. They suck. All the rest rocks.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 8/10
Box Office Mojo: 225 mio $ (on 30-07-2013) and counting

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Bridge Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

5 second plot: A body is found on a bridge between Mexico and the US. It's one half on the one side and one half on the other. An American police woman teams up with her Mexican partner to find the killer. They quickly figure out that it's not going to be an easy task.

5 second review: It's another detective story. Personally, I think we have enough of those. It is pretty well done, though. The killings are brutal. The killer seems to be a smart one. Since I really don't like what they did with the American cop (an emotionally very strange woman), I don't think I will be following up on this one.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 5/10

Camp Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

5 second plot: It's about a camp (duh). One with a lot of troubles to focus on during the season. Centrally in the story are the 'good' kids who mean well but don't really get what they want. Yet. They have an entire season to work it out.

5 second review: This should be funny but is actually stupid and boring.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 1/10

Monday, July 8, 2013

Under the Dome Season 1 Episode 3: Manhunt

5 second plot: A cop goes crazy, accidentally shoots another cop and runs. So now he has a search party on his tail. There is a new sheriff in town. Because there is only one cop left. Big Jim tries to run the show as much as possible. Junior tries a new way out from under the dome. Barbie is getting on the wrong page with a lot of people.

5 second review: It's mostly about Big Jim, this episode. And it's a lot of talking and not a lot of action. A little bit boring, actually. And the little bit of action is always interrupted by someone who wants to talk about non relevant stuff. Weird. Not in a good way.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Falling Skies Season 3 Episode 6: Be Silent and Come Out

5 second plot: This episode is all about Hal and the bug that is controlling him. Oh yeah, and they get a new president.

5 second review: It's more a separate story within the story. A mostly human and emotional story. Not badly choreographed but it feels like a time and space filler while most viewers would like to get things speeded up. There is more than enough left to tell so let's do it.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 6/10

True Blood Season 6 Episode 4: At Last

5 second plot: Eric thinks he can stop the vampire hunting madness by turning the governor's daughter into a vampire. Bill wants to make fairy true blood so he kidnaps Andy's daughters. But that does not go smoothly. And 'at last' Warlow shows his face. He didn't really expect Sookie to be ready to rumble. You gotta love her.

5 second review: Sexy, funny, smart and some good old fashioned bad ass whoopin'. That is what True Blood should be like every episode. Let's hope the good guys and girls can stay ahead for a while.

IMDb score: 8,5/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Cloth is horrible

5 second plot: Evil is on the rise. A top secret organisation prepares to fight. This mostly comes in the form of priests fighting against demonic possessions.

5 second review: It's good to see Eric Roberts again. But it's a shame that he and Danny Trejo are on the cover (above) but only have a cameo in the movie. I don't like that kind of entrapment. That's a no no. The cover looks cool by the way. But the movie isn't.

IMDb score: 3/10
Our score: 0/10

Monday, July 1, 2013

Under the Dome Season 1 Episode 2: The Fire

5 second plot: The police department takes a big blow. Big Jim is trying to cover up his tracks, but we still don't know what he is trying to hide. Junior still has his 'girlfriend' locked up and is going psycho. The rest of the citizens are trying to figure out what to do. Barbie steps up: he seems to be the one to root for to save the day. Oh yeah: and there is a fire. And the fire department is on the other side.

5 second review: There is a lot of very interesting ground to explore here. And the writers are taking their time to reveal what's going on. And that's okay. For now, it still is everything I was expecting it to be.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 9/10