Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Scream Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

5 second plot: A girl gets killed by a masked man. Her friends start to wonder if this killing is connected to a series of murders that took place 20 years ago. And they also wonder... (insert long pause here)... who's next.

5 second review: Well it's 2015, so let's not forget to put social media in the picture to show that we're cool like the youngsters. I hate it when they do that. But I must say this first episode is actually pretty well done. It's old school and very meta. Even more so than the movies, this series is even commenting on itself.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 7/10

Monday, June 29, 2015

Ant-Man is awesome

5 second plot: When Dr. Pym's former apprentice gets really close at developing a shrinking technology for the military (or worse) the time has come to take action. Dr. Pym teams up with Scott to stop this new technology which will probably destroy the world.

5 second review: I seriously don't know how these guys at Marvel do it, but this is again an awesome superhero movie. It's got amazing effects, great action sequences, a good story, good characters and most of all: it's got that disarming humor that makes this a whole lot of fun to watch.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, June 26, 2015

Ted 2 is fuckin' hilarious

5 second plot: Ted gets married. He and his beautiful wife decide to adopt a baby. But then some state officials ask themselves if Ted is really a person. When they decide he isn't, that he's just 'property', it causes a shit-storm. Now Ted has to fight for his right to be a person.

5 second review: This is ludicrously funny shit that often makes no sense at all but is awesomely crazy original. And it's not just John and Ted. Everyone is having a blast and fucking around. I loved it.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 9/10

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Sawney: Flesh of Man is definitely a good concept

5 second plot: 500 years ago Scotland was terrorized by an evil clan that killed and ate over 1000 people. The clan was captured and killed, but one of them survived. Now, Scotland is again plagued by brutal killings. One investigative reporter tries to figure out what's going on, since the police doesn't seem to know what to do.

5 second review: The set-up text in the beginning is the best thing about the movie. The main (or even: the only) focus is showing us lots of gory images. And that's pretty well done actually. But all the rest (story, characters, tension,...) is not.

IMDb score: 4,5/10
Our score: 3/10

Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Brink Season 1 Episode 1-3

5 second plot:

Ep 1: The Pakistani government is overthrown by a psychotic lunatic. The US government is trying to decide whether or not to bomb the shit out of their nuclear missile sites and possibly start WW III. Luckily they have an asset on the ground. Sadly it's Jack Black.

Ep 2: Alex is taken in for interrogation, as they think he is a CIA spy. Walter tries to score with the pretty translator and tries to prevent the president from ordering an air strike. The two jet pilots who are on their way for that air strike accidentally take a wrong pill and shoot down an Indian drone.

Ep 3: Alex found a guy that wants to move against the nut-case that is running Pakistan. All he needs to do is get to Walter. But Walter's not doing well. His dick hurts.

5 second review: Now this is some funny shit! There seems to be no break on this one. I am thoroughly enjoying this. Especially the foul language. Not so much the penis close-ups.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, June 19, 2015

Dope is the shit

5 second plot: Malcolm and his friends are geeks who are profoundly obsessed with 90's hip-hop culture. They live in a tough neighborhood but manage to play it straight. One day they end up with a bag of drugs and things spiral greatly out of control.

5 second review: This is a dope coming of age story with a lot of lessons to think about. It's definitely a project made out of love for the streets. The lingo is cool and the vibe is positive. I'm game.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Burying the Ex is a cool title

5 second plot: Max promises his girlfriend they will always be together, but he makes this promise in the presence of a Satan genie. A bit later his girlfriend dies (minutes before he's breaking up with her). And then she rises from the dead. And all she wants to do is fuck. 'Cause that's what zombies do, right?

5 second review: No, that's not right, they want BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSS. The actors are really struggling with the dialogue. I felt really sorry for them. The movie's not very good. The title is cool I guess. I don't know what the awesome Alexandra Daddario is doing in here, but thank god she is, she was my only motivation to hang in there.

IMDb score: 5,3/10
Our score: 2/10

Killjoys Season 1 Episode 1: Bangerang

5 second plot: In a galaxy far far away there's a planetary system controlled by a megacorp called The Company. Dutch and John are bounty-hunters working in this system. In this first episode John finds out that there is a kill warrant with his brother's name on it.

5 second review: I like the concept and I like the actors (definitely a cool look) but it shows that there's only a small budget available to create this out-of-this-world-futuristic scenery. I must say I didn't mind very much because there's more than enough cool stuff to look at.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 8/10

Inside Out is amazing

5 second plot: We get an inside look in the mind of a young girl, as her emotions run wild when she has to move with her parents to San Francisco.

5 second review: This movie is like a lesson in visually creative storytelling. I can't believe how they pulled it off to tell a beautiful story like this and make it comprehensible for young kids. And on top of that, it's also amusing for adults. I had to laugh out loud a couple of times. The conclusion feels a bit rushed though. While the challenges before the conclusion take a bit too long.

IMDb score: 8,7/10
Our score: 8/10

Dark Matter Season 1 Episode 2: Pilot - Part 2

5 second plot: The crew knows that they are low life mercenaries sent to wipe out the colonists. But they decide to do the right thing and help them instead. This means going head to head with the evil big corporation that sent them.

5 second review: This second episode made it clear to me that this is not the cool space show I hoped it would be. It's mostly talking. Inside the ship or on the planet. I like the characters, they're cool, but the space-stuff is not very special. I haven't seen one alien life form yet. Nothing.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Humans Season 1 Episode 1

5 second plot: In a world where robots (called 'Synths') are making the life of humans a lot easier, a family buys Anita to help with household chores. Some recent Synths start to become more human than they were intended to be. And that could be a problem. Guess what's up with Anita?

5 second review: The Synths look really great. Their features are also pretty neat. There's too much family stuff going on in this first episode and too little cool robot stuff. That was the main reason I started watching. And then this family stuff doesn't really add up. Mom's always working and everyone's always on her case. Poor mom, you don't have to take that shit.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 5/10

Game of Thrones Season 5 Episode 10: Mother's Mercy (season finale)

5 second plot: Stannis' army is slaughtered at Winterfell. Sansa tries to escape. Arya crosses a first asshole off her list. But the many faced god disagrees. Ellaria gets her revenge. Daenerys meets some new friends. Cersei makes a walk of atonement. Jon meets his maker.

5 second review: Brace yourself. Because you will be shocked.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 9/10

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Band of Robbers is not a big adventure

5 second plot: Tom and Huck decide to start a gang and rob a pawn shop. They have in on good authority that the treasure they've been seeking all their lives is in the pawn shop's safe. But maybe they shouldn't have gotten wasted the night before the robbery.

5 second review: I think it's supposed to be very funny, but it's only a little bit funny. And I also believe it's supposed to be a big treasure hunt adventure, but that's also just a little bit the case. It's not terrible, and it's sweet here and there, but it's just a little bit too little of everything it's supposed to be.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 5/10

Friday, June 12, 2015

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl is a good title

5 second plot: Greg tells us the story of his senior year. He had everything figured out. Hanging low, not drawing too much attention at school, making films with his colleague Earl. And then his mom makes him hang out with a girl that's been diagnosed with leukemia. Although he's reluctant at first, they become close friends.

5 second review: The title is not the best pitch to convince someone to go see a movie, but it does sum this one up quite well. The story is half joy and fun and half tough and sad. The dialogue is really good, the performances are off the charts and it's brilliantly original.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 8/10

Jurassic World is quite the spectacle

5 second plot: The Jurassic Park from 20 years ago is now a fully operational theme park. The geneticists created a new 'cool' dinosaur. But just as the park's manager's nephews are visiting the big scary fucker escapes. She teams up with dino whisperer Owen to find the kids.

5 second review: You can't say that this isn't a thrill ride. It's one big awesome spectacle. Sometimes a tiny bit over the top, but overall a whole lot of fun. I really enjoyed the little winks to the original Jurassic Park. Also, Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are a perfect fit. I wouldn't take little kids to see this movie. They will have nightmares forever.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 8/10

Dark Matter Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot - Part 1

5 second plot: 6 people wake up in a spaceship with no memories of who they are and what they are doing there. They also wake up an android and find a shit load of guns. They try to figure out what's going on by following clues and heading to their original destination.

5 second review: Not very much happens yet in this first episode. It's sort of an introduction to everyone and everything. It looks pretty decent but I'm not sure yet it's going to be interesting enough to follow up. At the end of the episode they find out some really interesting things about themselves. So I'm definitely going to have to watch the second episode to find out what they will do with this information.

IMDb score: 7,4/10
Our score: 7/10

Monday, June 8, 2015

The Whispers Season 1 Episode 2: Hide & Seek

5 second plot: Claire's husband is alive, but he seems to have lost his memory after his top secret plane crash. Now everyone's looking for him. As they think he's the brains behind Drill, the children's imaginary friend.

5 second review: I am still very much intrigued by the mystery. What is going on here? It surely is something supernatural right? It looks promising.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Big Game is ridiculous

5 second plot: Air Force One is shot down. The president of the United States is rescued by a young boy who's on an initiation hunt. But they are not home free. They've still got terrorists on their tail.

5 second review: Everything about this movie is laughable. It's just completely ridiculous. I see a lot of familiar faces but they are all acting like they're in Airplane 3. And it's not supposed to be funny. The young Onni Tommila is they only one who's not making a fool of himself. I can't believe I sat through the entire running time.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 0/10

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Penny Dreadful Season 2 Episode 6: Glorious Horrors

5 second plot: Sir Malcolm doesn't care too much that his wife is dead. He is in the grip of the leader of the witch-pack. Frankenstein loves his bride. People are recognizing her. Ethan gets a visit from a fellow American. His daddy wants him to come home. John's colleague finds out that he's not really alive. The team is still trying to solve the devil's puzzle. Dorian organizes a ball. Vanessa meets her rivals.

5 second review: This show's got so many cool subjects and still manages to avoid them all and be boring. The only thing everyone's talking about is the frikkin' ball. I don't think this is my cup of tea anymore. There's a really cool blood shower at the end but it's too little too late.

IMDb score: 9,4/10
Our score: 3/10

Game of Thrones Season 5 Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons

5 second plot: Stannis' army is not doing well, but there is a solution for all their problems. Jon and friends make it to the wall. Jaime and Bronn are lucky that prince Doran is a nice guy. Arya breaks character. Daenerys officially opens the fighting pit. The Sons of the Harpy strike again. But the mother of dragons strikes back.

5 second review: My god, is this the best show ever or what?! This is, again, an awesome episode. Everything about it is off the charts amazing. (Except for the fact that they burn a small child at the stake while mom and dad watch her screaming. Didn't really enjoy watching that.)

IMDb score: 9,6/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, June 5, 2015

Sense8 Season 1 Episode 1: Limbic Resonance

5 second plot: 8 strangers who are spread across the world start seeing Daryl Hannah. And when Daryl Hannah kills herself these strangers somehow get connected to each other. They sometimes hear and see things the others are hearing or seeing.

5 second review: The Wachowskis sure are enjoying the extended time-frame of a series to tell their story. It gives them some room to elaborate and slowly bring it on. I can't really say after this introduction episode whether it's interesting enough to start watching the rest. But it definitely is well made, the characters are good and I am curious about what it's all about.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Spy is a whole lot of fun

5 second plot: A portable nuclear warhead is for sale on the black market. The CIA is looking for it but the identities of all its agents are compromised. So they send in Susan, who has never worked in the field before. She just needs to track and report but it doesn't take long before she takes her assignment to the next level.

5 second review: What a gloriously funny spy movie. A highly skilled operative in the form of a nice sweetie-pie? It's a great combination. You won't know what hit you. It's fresh, smart-ass, it's got great action sequences, a good villain and The Stath is on a fucking roll!

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Insidious: Chapter 3 does it again

5 second plot: Quinn wants to contact her deceased mom. But something else answers. She's going to need help to get rid of it.

5 second review: This Chapter 3 takes place before the other Insidious movies. There's not very much new going on here. It's got classic jump scares and standard creepy ghost stuff. But since I'm a big sucker for this shit, it scared the bejesus out of me. So I would say 'mission accomplished'.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Season 6 is very diversified

5 second plot: Jerry drives around and has coffee with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Steve Harvey, Jim Carrey, Bill Maher, Trever Noah and Steven Colbert.

5 second review: The comedians are so different this season, it's unbelievable. Their styles are miles apart. But Jerry loves them all, so it's very relaxed and everyone's enjoying themselves. I especially laughed real hard with Steve Harvey. He's the man. Jim Carrey is, of course, Jim Carrey, you gotta love him. And Trevor Noah will blow you away with crazy facts about South-Africa (his home country).

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 8/10

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Stitchers Season 1 Episode 1: A Stitch in Time

5 second plot: Kirsten is enrolled in a secret underground federal agency where they try to solve crimes by reading dead people's consciousnesses. Her job is to 'stitch' her consciousness to that of the dead folk thus accessing their memories.

5 second review: I know it sounds crazy and ridiculous, but I still bought it. This is not a bad show but in the end it's just another simple detective story. And we've got enough of those already. Extra points for the sexy spandex though.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 6/10