Sunday, December 25, 2016

Live by Night has a lot to tell

5 second plot: Joe is a small time crook in Boston in the Prohibition era who reluctantly starts working for the mob. He told himself he wouldn't take orders from anyone again if he survived the war (WW I). But here he is.

5 second review: There is a LOT going on in this movie. It feels like a 24 episode TV show crammed into a 2 hour movie. There's no time to nod off here, you have to pay attention. Blink and you'll miss something. That is a bit overwhelming, but it sure as hell isn't boring. It's a cool violent gangster movie. If you're not a big fan of Ben Affleck you're going to hate his smirky attitude though.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, December 23, 2016

Why Him? is not much fun

5 second plot: Bryan Cranston is meeting his daughter's boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he is a very rich rock star tech wizard. Totally the opposite of good old fashioned dad. So of course they collide and yada yada yada you know what happens next.

5 second review: I guess the characters are supposed to be funny. Well... they are (painfully) not. I almost gave up after 30 minutes but I hung in there and I (eventually) did laugh a couple of times (the mom's alright, and dad's computer guy is also alright) but overall: not okay man.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 3,5/10

Silence is too old school

5 second plot: Two young Christian priests travel to 17th century Japan to look for their mentor Liam Neeson. Their religion is forbidden in Japan, so it's a very dangerous mission.

5 second review: This movie feels like it's 40 years old. And it did not withstand the test of time. It's a bit silly, its got way too much symbolism and the running time is too long. I don't know how I got through it. But some people seem to like it, so maybe don't listen to me. Or is it because of the big 'directed by' name? A lot of effort was put into getting things right though. It looks like the actors almost starved themselves to death.

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Metascore: 79/100
Our score: 2/10

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Autopsy of Jane Doe is a bloody scary mystery

5 second plot: Tommy and Austin have to examine the body of a mysterious woman that was found in the basement of a murder scene. Slowly but surely they come to realize that they are dealing with some seriously fucked up shit.

5 second review: This is a dark, creepy, fascinating mystery. And it scared the shit out of me (I must admit I scare easily). The thing I liked most about it is that they decide to get the fuck out of there on the first sign of trouble. Don't you just love that? You never see that in a horror movie. They don't argue about it or nothing.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Monday, December 19, 2016

Manchester by the Sea is sad

5 second plot: Lee has to go back to his home town when his brother passes away. This brings back awful memories.

5 second review: This is like an instruction video on what happens when someone in your family passes away. Mixed with everyday events like forgetting where you parked your car. But there's also a mysterious event from the past that drives the movie. If you were looking for a good sad drama, this is definitely one for you.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 7/10

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Rogue One is a good adventure

5 second plot: It's the story of the brave rebels who steal the plans for the Death Star (and set the tone for the original trilogy).

5 second review: I don't like what they did with the computer generated (human) faces. It looks like clay animation from the '80s. It's a good adventure and there are some great action scenes. The appearance of Darth Vader is the big thing that makes seeing (and repeated viewing of) this movie worthwhile.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 7/10

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Passengers is spectacular

5 second plot: Two people wake up out of a hybernation sleep on a spaceship heading to a new world. But they wake up 90 years too soon with no way of going back to sleep. There are probably worse things than waking up with Jennifer Lawrence.

5 second review: It's visually spectacular with great action sequences, a beautiful romance and some serious life questions. Something for everyone I guess. The ending feels a bit rushed but everything else is pretty great.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score:8/10

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Assassin's Creed is wicked awesome

5 second plot: Say what now?

5 second review: I don't understand why no-one seems to like this one. The plot is nuts, but it's a great action movie filled with cool fight sequences, impressive gimmicks, lots of mystery and let's not forget: friggin' assassins.

IMDb score: 6/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, December 11, 2016

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 8: Hearts Still Beating

5 second plot: Plans are made to kill Negan. And he's being such a nice guy: not killing Carl, making spaghetti, taking care of the guy that wants Rick out of the way,... Daryl manages to escape (thank you Jesus). Maggie tries to find her way in the Hilltop community. Michonne finds what she was looking for and returns home.

5 second review: Oh man, this is the mid-season finale. That means we have to wait for a couple of months to see how things turn out. I love the fact that it ends on a happy note for a change.

IMDb score: 9,4/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2 Episode 6-10 continues to be very nasty

5 second plot: Ash gets trapped in Baal's bad ass mind tricks. Pablo converges with the book. The gang has to travel back in time to straighten things out.

5 second review: Two episodes are set in an asylum.They don't really fit in and are kind of boring. So just skip these, you won't miss a thing. The time traveling shit is - of course - crazy and a lot of fun. This second half of the second season continues to be very bloody and very nasty. I had to put away my snacks a couple of times.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 7/10

Friday, December 9, 2016

Beyond the Gates is way too boring

5 second plot: When their dad goes missing, John and Gordon decide he must be dead and start cleaning out his video store. They find a mysterious video/board game and start playing it. They don't realize it's a dangerous game that will take them... beyond... the... gaaaaaaates.

5 second review: Sweet lord this is a boring movie. It takes them forever to start playing the frikkin' game. I think it's supposed to be scary, which it is not. I also think it's designed to be a cult sensation. I don't know about that either. There are a couple of blood gushing scenes that are worthy. And the posters that accompany the movie are fantastic.

IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 3/10

Miss Sloane is cold

5 second plot: Miss Sloan is a very good but terribly cold hearted D.C. lobbyist who decides to switch sides to make the 'game' more interesting. She now has to take on her most powerful opponent yet. And she is not interested in losing.

5 second review: It's not easy having to choose between rooting for the smartest person in the room or hating the biggest bitch in the room when that person is one and the same. I hope that was the idea because it worked. What also works are all the smart twists and turns with one very big one to top them all.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Office Christmas Party is a small bummer

5 second plot: Clay tries to save his branch of the family company by throwing an awesome office Christmas party to impress a possible new (big) client. The party is... wait for it... legendary.

5 second review: I'm a very very very big fan of the first trailer that was released for this movie. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. The movie is good fun, but the hilarious bits are already in the trailer. The story is a bit lame. Some of the actors have trouble convincing themselves that what they are saying makes any sense.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 6/10
Our trailer score: 10/10

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

La La Land should have been all fun

5 second plot: Girl meets boy. Girl convinces boy to go for his dream. Boy convinces girl to go for her dream. Sing. Dance.

5 second review: I really don't like singing and dancing in the movies, but I had to see what the fuss was all about. The leads are perfect together, the dialogue is fun and playful, the colors are spectacular but (BIG spoiler alert) I would have preferred an all out happy picture instead of the sour grape ending. It would have been a better fit.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 6/10

Monday, December 5, 2016

The Walking Dead Season 7 Episode 7: Sing Me a Song

5 second plot: Some of the Alexandrians are looking for supplies for Negan. Some of them are looking for ways to kill him. Carl takes out two of Negan's guys. Negan's response is not what you would expect. We also find out why some of Negan's people have got a scarred face.

5 second review: This episode is much better than the previous ones but lets not get overly carried away with the cool (long) monologues.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Westworld Season 1 Episode 4-10 is damn near perfect

5 second plot: The man in black and Dolores are looking for the center of the maze. Some of the hosts are starting to become aware of who (or what) they are. Ford is building a big new story-line. The other original creator, Arnold, seems to be reaching out from the afterlife.

5 second review: If you haven't started seeing this brilliant show yet, what are you doing wasting your time reading this? Hop to it! The hot shot actors are in top form, the mystery is out of this world awesome and the story is damn near perfect. I almost can't believe they pulled it off. This is must see TV. Pronto!

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, December 2, 2016

Pet is okay

5 second plot: Seth has a crush on a Holly. When he realizes she's out of his reach he does something drastic. But the game he's about to play might be out of his league.

5 second review: At first I thought this was a shitty movie. The dialogue is terrible and the actors look like rabbits in the middle of the road watching the headlights of a car approaching. But halfway through it gets interesting. It's one of those rare moments where it pays off to be patient with a movie. It's not world class awesome but it's okay.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 6,5