Sunday, March 29, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 16: Conquer (season finale)

5 second plot: The people of Alexandria have a meeting to decide what to do with Rick. They don't realize that they won't be doing any deciding. Glenn and Nicolas clash really bad. Daryl and Aaron meet Morgan. You know, the good guy from the beginning who went a tiny bit nuts? He somehow picked up some awesome Steven Seagal fighting skills. And he gets hands on with the W-nutcases. So we get to meet those nice folks also.

5 second review: What an awesome episode. Thank god it's an extended one, because there was a lot to be said. The tension rises so high, I stopped breathing a couple of times. Great zombies (lots of them), great head chopping (kudos to Daryl's triple head chain move), great new (old) face, awesome speeches and no annoying cliffhanger (not really). One word of advice though: put a fucking silencer on the bike already, would you, Daryl?

IMDb score: 9,6/10
Our score: 10/10

Friday, March 27, 2015

Home is too basic

5 second plot: Earth is overrun by a friendly alien race. All humans have been reallocated to new fake homes while the aliens take over the real world. Tip was left behind. She teams up with Oh, an alien on the run from his own people, to find her mom. And maybe save the planet.

5 second review: Thank god I took my kids to see this one (they loved it), because this movie did not amuse me one bit. It feels like the sole purpose of the movie is to make money out of fluffy merchandising and to promote Rihanna songs. The story is very thin (and boring), the characters are not fleshed out at all and the animation is too basic. The only thing that works are the colors. Like when Oh is lying and he turns green but doesn't realize it.

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 3,5/10

Robot Overlords could have been fun

5 second plot: The world is in the hands of alien robots. They say they just want to examine the human race. And when they're done, they will leave. All humans have to stay indoors. Except for a handful of collaborators. Sean and a couple of friends figure out a way to disable their tracking system. They go looking for Sean's dad.

5 second review: The idea is cool, the robots are decent and it's a pretty solid adventure story. And it's even funny from time to time. The evil humans might be a bit much. Ben Kingsley takes it a tad too far. This makes it a lot less fun than it could have been. And it's too bad the movie eventually spirals completely out of control and turns into a ridiculous mess. That too.

IMDb score: 4,6/10
Our score: 5,5/10

Dead Rising doesn't make much sense

5 second plot: A reporter gets stuck in a quarantined zombie infected zone. And he wants out. But he will have to prove that the virus isn't airborne and figure out why the anti-zombie drug isn't working. And as if zombies weren't enough, he also has to deal with a gang of violent criminals roaming the streets.

5 second review: The zombies are tough fuckers. It's not easy to kill them. There's a lot of over the top nasty shit in this movie. It's not very well done, but they get one point for trying. There are a couple of familiar faces in here. It's a bit weird. So are the emotions of the 'heroes'. It all doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But that wasn't the idea. I think.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 1/10

Get Hard is not all bad

5 second plot: James is an a-hole rich guy who is going to jail for big scale fraud. He's got 30 days to get ready for prison and he hires Darnell, his car-wash guy, to help him. Darnell never did time, but James just assumes he did because he is black. That's the kind of a-hole rich guy he is.

5 second review: You have to be able to lighten up to like this movie. Because there's a lot of stuff you could get offended by. Easily. Kevin Hart is all over the place, Will Ferrell doesn't get a lot of opportunities to shine. All things considered, it doesn't make much sense, it's a lot of the same and it is offensive, but if you just go with the flow it's not that bad.

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 5/10

While We're Young is overall a good deal

5 second plot: Josh and Cornelia one day meet a younger couple who make them re-evaluate their own lives.

5 second review: This is as much a comedy as it is a drama. It gets painful and awkward lots of times. But I guess that's the whole idea. Not all the comedy works (the barfing) but some things do (the pitch to the young movie exec). The story is not very interesting but thanks to the solid performances it's still overall a good deal.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 5/10

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

iZombie Season 1 Episode 2: Brother, Can You Spare a Brain?

5 second plot: Liv meets the zombie from her dreams. He seems pretty normal, but there is something about him that doesn't add up. Meanwhile Liv helps solve the murder of a painter, who got killed with his paint-brush.

5 second review: Poof, the magic is already gone, and it's only the second episode. The smart-assing is gone, the sharpness is gone and the clues are laying around sloppily all over the place. I think my iZombie adventure already ends here.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 3/10

Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Last Man on Earth Season 1 Episode 5-13

5 second plot:
Ep 5: Phil convinces the ladies he needs to have sex with Melissa. You know: for re-population purposes only. Just as he's about to get his freak on, another man arrives.
Ep 6: Todd is a great guy. Melissa is falling for him. Phil can't believe it and turns into an even bigger ass.
Ep 7: Todd is having lots of sex with Melissa and Phil is losing it. And he has to clean out his shit-pool. And the inevitable happens: he falls in!
Ep 8: Phil finds a cow. But Todd gets all the credit.
Ep 9: Phil meets two new women. But he doesn't tell them that he's not alone. Of course they find out the bad way.
Ep  10: Phil realizes he's a pathological liar. And comes clean. He and Carol get a divorce.
Ep 11: A new good looking guy arrives. Phil and Todd don't take it very well. Phil even loses his name. He is now 'Tandy'.
Ep 12: The new Phil is great. The ladies love him. The guys are going to kill him.
Ep 13: New Phil kicks old Phil out of his own town.

5 second review: This show is brilliantly funny and very original. Phil is so honest and awful. You root for him, but you know he's going to screw up. I can't wait to see what season 2 has got in store for him.

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 9/10

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 15: Try

5 second plot: There are no happy faces in Alexandria. The boss woman is not so sure anymore of the new recruits. Rick and co are afraid they will get as weak as the other Alexandrians. Daryl and Aaron find signs of humans activity. But they are really bad signs of a sicko at work. And Rick takes on Pete. And flips out. And there's a big clash between old and new.

5 second review: I don't know what's going to happen now? I'm predicting a couple of huge cliff hangers next episode (the season finale). It's all very very very exciting. What's this showdown going to result in? Who is this psycho outside the walls (maybe one that got sent away)? Music seems to be a new trend in The Walking Dead. I don't know if I like the Baywatch-style (well, sort of) clips though.

IMDb score: 9,2/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Friday, March 20, 2015

The Gunman is over-complicated

5 second plot: Jim did some very bad things 8 years ago in Congo. And his past has come to haunt him. He doesn't care very much about himself but he's not about to let the love of his life get dragged into his mess.

5 second review: The action is solid. He's got some great fighting skills. But the story is too extensive. I like a complicated plot but it is completely unnecessary (and distracting) for a simple action flick like this. I also never like it when they make the hero soft. That's where they dropped the ball on the Liam Neeson wannabe checklist.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 5/10

Backcountry feels real

5 second plot: A guy takes his girlfriend on a hiking trip into the woods. It's her first time camping or hiking but he came here a lot when he was a kid. He doesn't need a map and bears don't scare him, but of course, they get lost. And if that's not bad enough, they step into the territory of a huge angry bear.

5 second review: There's a whole lot of walking and a whole lot of talking (and a whole lot of nothing), but when the bear arrives on the scene, you will shit your pants. I know I did. This is not your typical slasher horror. It feels real. This feels like it could happen to me next week when I go hiking in the woods.

IMDb score: 6,1/10
Our score: 7/10

Bloodline Season 1 Episode 1-2

5 second plot: Set in the Florida Keys, this is the story of a family who gets together to celebrate them being honored with a pier that will get their family name. But when the oldest son arrives, he sets off a chain of events that will not work out well for any of them.

5 second review: I thought the first episode was really boring. But the last couple of seconds... it gets really interesting. Not very much is what it seems. Quite the opposite. And you're left wondering. About almost everything. This is a really solid new show, but it's a bit too much drama for me.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Spring is something that doesn't come around very often

5 second plot: Evan is a good guy who's world falls apart. He packs a bag and takes the first flight out of the country, just to get away from everything. He goes to Italy. There he meets a girl and falls in love. But this is one very very very special girl.

5 second review: Don't get sucked into the monster-promo too much. There is a little bit of cool monster stuff in here but this is mostly a romantic story. A beautiful romantic horror movie with some supernatural elements (or is it?). Now that's something that doesn't come around very often.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 8/10

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

iZombie Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

5 second plot: Liv goes to a party. There's a zombie outbreak. She gets infected. She dies. And turns into a zombie. But as long as she eats braaaaaaaiiiiiiiins she's okay. She looks a bit pale but she doesn't look.... well, dead. She works in a morgue and only eats dead people's brains. After she eats a brain, she sort of inherits the memories of the victim. So she teams up with a cop to solve murder cases.

5 second review: This is pretty great. It's light on zombie gore but it's really fun to watch. Mostly thanks to the lead character. She's totally credible as a zombie superhero.

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Monday, March 16, 2015

Insurgent the movie is way better than the trailer

5 second plot: The Divergents are now public enemy n° 1. Tris is having a hard time coping with everything that happened and is blaming herself for everyone's death. Jeanine finds a special box. But she needs a very good divergent to open it. Guess who this very special one is.

5 second review: This is not just imaginary crazy computer graphics. That's what the trailer told us it was. It's pretty grounded (for the most part anyway). And pretty good. There are a lot of emotions at play. But also some good action sequences. And the box is pretty neat.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 7,5/10

Furious 7 is mega-awesome

5 second plot: Owen Shaw's brother has come to town to get the boys and girls that got his brother. This brother is an ex-British-special-forces-assassin. The team will need help if they want to beat this guy. This help comes in the form of a hacker who created a program called 'God's eye'.

5 second review: Of course it is over the top and very unrealistic. BUT. Imagine all the coolest shit you have ever and never seen all packed into one non-stop explosion of fun. That's what this mega cool (simple but effective) action PACKED Fast & Furious 7 is all about. And what a beautiful goodbye to Paul Walker. He will be missed.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 14: Spend

5 second plot: Everyone is finding his or her place in Alexandria. Abraham is taking over the construction team. Glenn is going on a supply run with a team. They run into a lot of walkers and a lot of trouble. Carol figures out that the town doctor has got a big problem. And Gabriel is making the town boss really nervous.

5 second review: Well, it’s one of those episodes… It’s really tense and really sad. Some people don’t make it. On the up-side: these people go out spectacularly: they get eaten alive and we get to watch every gory detail. I don’t know why Carol is acting all psycho on the kid, it’s a bit over the top. It's not all serious, there's also a very funny light note with cool music blasting through a car stereo.

IMDb score: 9,5/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Boy is uneventful

5 second plot: A young boy lives with his father in a remote motel (that they run). The boy is saving up all his money to go to his mom in Florida. He makes (a little bit of) money by collecting roadkill for his dad. These dead animals fascinate him. He slowly moves on to bigger and bigger kills.

5 second review: These people live a terribly boring life, so not very much happens in the movie. It's quite a stretch. But the finale is grand, no question about that. It makes sitting through the boring rest worthwhile.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 5/10

Friday, March 13, 2015

It Follows is a creeper

5 second plot: A girl has sex with a boy. He tells her that he passed something on: the 'It' from the title. This 'It' is an evil entity that will follow her and will kill her if it gets near. The good news is: it's slow and you can pass it on by having sex with someone else. The bad news is: it's very (very!) persistent and if it kills someone, it then start right back at following the previous victim.

5 second review: I heard a lot of good things about this movie. And they're all true. This is a very simple but very effective horror-thriller. This is one of those movies where you hold your breath, are afraid to look and just want to scream: 'NO YOU DUMB B**CH, NOT UPSTAIRS!'. It's an awesome scary movie.

IMDb score: 7,5/10
Our score: 9/10

Cinderella is gorgeous

5 second plot: This is the classic story of the girl from the title. She's a sweetie-pie who is treated horribly by her step-mother. She falls in love with a prince. And he falls in love with her. But their love seems impossible. But we all know: love conquers all.

5 second review: This is a children's story. So it came as quite of a surprise to me that I really liked it. Seriously. It's like I was enchanted by it (laugh all you want). It's everything a fairy tale should be. It's gorgeous and everyone fits his or her part perfectly (good and evil).

IMDb score: 7,7/10
Our score: 9/10

The Cobbler is a bit too simple

5 second plot: Max is a cobbler (surprise) who finds out he's got a magical machine in his basement. If he fixes someone's shoes with this machine, he can become this person by wearing the shoes. This new power is fun at first, but soon enough Max gets in some serious trouble with the wrong people.

5 second review: I think this is the first time I saw a movie about a fucking cobbler. This is one very simple story. From time to time it gets so ridiculous and childish it made my toes curl. If you like Adam Sandler you will like the movie, but don't expect too much fireworks. It isn't his best work.

IMDb score: 5,8/10
Our score: 4/10

Monday, March 9, 2015

Run All Night is good bullshit

5 second plot: Liam Neeson kills the son of his best friend (and big time gangsta) Ed Harris. He had no choice, of course. Now Ed Harris is after Liam Neeson's son. And you know what that means: all hell breaks loose.

5 second review: The action is really solid, but all the rest is serious bullshit. Liam Neeson starts out as a drunk loser but midway turns into a cool killer with mad skills. It's weird. Even more weird are the crazy dramatic camera swings that lead to nothing. What's that all about?

IMDb score: 6,8/10
Our score: 5/10

Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 13: Forget

5 second plot: Sasha is losing it. Alexandria is too normal for her. There's even a welcome party where it just seems like everyone's still living in the old world. The rest of the group is starting to blend in nicely. But Rick does try to get his hands on a couple of guns. Because you never know.

5 second review: It looks really weird seeing them all in these nice clothes. The constable outfits look really stupid. Specials of the week: a zombie with a 'W' carved in his forehead, splatter against the screen (I think that's a first) and a poor horse being eaten alive... Oops sorry: spoiler alert?

IMDb score: 8,8/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, March 6, 2015

Chappie doesn't feel right

5 second plot: Three bad ass gangstas need to come up with a lot of money fast. They kidnap the creator of high tech police robots to get him to make an on/off switch. So they can rob a money transport without the robot police interfering. Somehow they get stuck with a brand new state of the art AI robot. But they still have to teach him. Everything.

5 second review: The gangsta shit and the cool lingo is awesome and the battles are great, but the rest is childishly stupid and a bit annoying. And the worst thing is: first they make us feel like Chappie is a cute little vulnerable kid and then the adults start treating him like crap while he is begging them to please stop. That's just awful. And something else: not everyone's acting at the top of his/her game. And it shows.

IMDb score: 7,2/10
Our score: 5/10

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Season 1 Episode 1-2

5 second plot: Kimmy is rescued from a nuclear apocalypse shelter where she has been hiding for 15 years. She winds up in New York with a fabulous room-mate and gets a job as a sort of nanny for a rich family. She tries very much to do the right thing, be positive, friendly and childishly honest all while dressed like she's a kid from 1999.

5 second review: I don't know what to think of it. Is it getting on my nerves or did it spark an interest to keep watching? I think it's getting on my nerves. I do like the positive atmosphere and I love Kimmy's side-kick Titus. But I am going to get annoyed really fast by the over the top happy camper.

IMDb score: 8,3/10
Our score: 5,5/10