Friday, October 31, 2014

Nightcrawler is nuts

5 second review: Louis wants to make it (big-time) in life. And stealing metal scrap isn't cutting it. One day he witnesses a car crash that makes him think of filming similar stuff and selling it to news channels. He starts small and innocent, but as he gets better at what he does, he starts crossing moral and legal lines.

5 second plot: The charisma Jake Gyllenhaal brings to his character is something you don't get to see very often. He definitely went the extra mile to get this psycho right. It's an amazing performance. The story builds up slowly to an awesomely tense finale that will put you on the edge of your seat.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 9,5/10

Before I Go to Sleep is quite the mystery

5 second plot: Christine wakes up every day without any recollection of the previous day. Or the days before that. Or the years before that. She lost her memory some years ago due to a head injury. Today is a little bit different. She starts to question a thing or two and wonders who she can trust.

5 second review: Of course something's not right: otherwise there wouldn't be a movie. Or is she making herself nuts? I dunno. Well, I do, but I'm not going to tell you. It's a great mystery that makes you really really really want to know what the heck is going on. But in the end, all things considered, it's not that spectacular. Or is it?

IMDb score: 6,2/10
Our score: 7/10

Horns is really funny

5 second plot: A young guy is wrongfully accused of killing the love of his life. One day he gets so frustrated and angry that he grows two horns on his head. From this moment on people can't help but tell him their darkest secrets. It's not always what he would like to hear (his parents!) but it helps him in his search for the real killer.

5 second review: This movie made me laugh really hard lots of times. But it's not only funny, it's also a beautiful love story. With a somewhat unconventional twist. We know from the start the girl is dead. Sometimes the flashbacks to the good old days slow the movie down too much. As a viewer you want to be moving on instead of going back.

IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 8/10

[REC] 4: Apocalipsis is nerve-wrecking

5 second plot: The television reporter is saved from the building that was infected by the evil virus that turns people into rabid lunatics. She is taken to a boat together with the soldiers that saved her. On the boat a team of scientists wants to make sure no-one is infected. But they were stupid enough to bring something else on board.

5 second review: It's the same movie as the other ones, it just takes place in another location. There's nothing new, the shock effect is already long gone and it's filmed so nervously unsteady you can't see anything that's happening. The infected are cool though. It's genuinely terrifying the way these fuckers come running towards the screen.

IMDb score: 5,7/10
Our score: 5/10

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1: The Ol' Mexican Spinach

5 second plot: It's Halloween. Alan and Walden are all dressed up. And then Walden has a heart attack. It's a small one, but it makes him think about his life. And how he really wants a kid. So he immediately tries to adopt one. He will have a better chance if he's married. That gets him thinking.

5 second review: Are they looking for a replacement for Jake? That's what this is probably. Good. They were on a roll when the beautiful women showed up on the doorstep. Please don't let it be all about Alan and Walden's weird mano a mano relationship this season.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 8/10

The Big Bang Theory Season 8 Episode 7: The Misinterpretation Agitation

5 second plot: Bernadette is asked for an article about sexy female scientists. Amy gets the article pulled because she thinks it's degrading. Peggy's got a new admirer. Leonard is angry with this guy at first but then he finds out he's got an impressive collection of movie memorabilia.

5 second review: It always works if they bring an interesting outsider to the party. They must have figured out it was working really well along the way because they forgot all about Amy and Bernadette's fight that is set up in the beginning.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 8/10

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Welp really pushes the envelope

5 second plot: A group of young boy scouts goes on a camping trip in the woods. They call themselves 'welpen', which translates as 'cubs'. On their arrival they are harassed by the locals so they decide to drive a little bit further, deeper in the woods. But something evil is lurking there.

5 second review: This is not your average slasher movie. You will most likely see things you haven't seen before and will not like very much (animal cruelty anyone?). There's lots of tension, good gore, original killings and awesome evil characters. I'm not too fond of how it all turns out in the end but everything else is really well done.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Interstellar makes you think

5 second plot: Earth has had it with us humans and is kicking us off the planet. The only edible plant that still grows, is corn. And that won't last for long. Time is ticking for humanity to find another home. Luckily a black hole appears next to Saturn with a shortcut to another galaxy. It's up to former farmer (and astronaut) Cooper to fly through this black hole and find us a new home.

5 second review: My brain is going to have to work overtime to process all this information. Because I have a lot of questions. Is it possible that some things don't add up? Of course, big chunks were left to our imagination. That way it always adds up. You might not like the robots at first, but give them a chance. They are awesome.

IMDb score: 9/10
Our score: 7/10

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 3: Four Walls and a Roof

5 second plot: The cannibals find out it wasn't such a good idea to eat Bob. He was bitten by a walker. The priest comes clean about what happened at his church. Abraham wants to move out quickly. But Rick doesn't. The cannibal guys (and girl) think they can outsmart Rick. They pay a big price for that mistake. Rick goes all medieval on their asses.

5 second review: As a regular viewer you can guess most things that are going to happen. I just knew Bob was bitten. And I knew they were smart enough not to run into a trap with their eyes wide open. Right now I'm mostly curious about Daryl's story and Beth's. That seems to be the center of attention of next week's episode.

IMDb score: 9,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Friday, October 24, 2014

Ouija keeps it simple

5 second plot: A group of friends awakens something evil by playing with a Ouija board. They try to get rid of the presence, but it only becomes stronger.

5 second review: This is a very simple and straightforward scary movie. And it doesn't try to be anything more than that. There's almost no story or character development. The main (only) focus is on jump scares. They were definitely written first. And the rest of the plot was written around that. So overall it's not good, but there are a couple of very decent scary moments.

IMDb score: 4,5/10
Our score; 5/10

St. Vincent is a great contrast

5 second plot: When Oliver and his mom move to a new neighborhood, they immediately run into grumpy neighbor Vincent. Somehow Vincent and Oliver start getting along very well. They both teach each other a thing or two about life. And about saints.

5 second plot: The innocence of a kid combined with the honesty of a grumpy old man often results in great scenes and dialogue. But Bill Murray is only in good form, not in top form. The emotions are sometimes too fake. It's great to see Melissa McCarthy in a 'normal' role. And the pregnant 'lady of the night' and the catholic teacher are brilliant side characters.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 7/10

White Bird in a Blizzard is an extensive title

5 second plot: One - not particularly special - day in 1988 Kat's mom disappears without a trace. We find out that mom wasn't very stable and the relationship with dad wasn't very good, but it doesn't seem like she just left. No-one has any idea what could have happened to her. And not everyone cares.

5 second review: If you're a fan of Shailene Woodley, this movie is for you. She's got a lot of screen-time and she gives Kat a great naturalistic, grounded (and let's not forget: very cool '80s) vibe. I very much liked the way the camera 'observes' instead of intrudes and the way some very specific details are inserted into the story (like the name of detective Scieziesciez). However, the focus should have been a little bit more on the mystery and in the end it is resolved a bit too quickly.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 8/10

Stonehearst Asylum is godawful

5 second plot: A couple of days before the year 1900 a young doctor arrives at Stonehearst Asylum, eager to put his education to practice. He becomes enchanted by a patient named Eliza Graves. And he finds out something is very wrong in the asylum.

5 second review: OMG what a horrible movie. I almost walked out of the theater, that's how awful it is. Jim Sturgess is just terrible as the doctor. And he's the main character. There are some really great actors in this movie, and they really try to make something of it, but they fail miserably.

IMDb score: 6,9/10
Our score: 0/10

Thursday, October 23, 2014

V/H/S: Viral is not very interesting

5 second plot: It's the same format as the previous two movies. So once again it's a compilation of short disturbing stories. First we get a weird car chase that makes people go nuts. Next up is a magician with a creepy cloak. Then a guy creates a portal to another (fucked up) dimension. And then we get a couple of skateboard punks that run into a bunch of Satan worshipers (I think).

5 second review: This one's not very good. I think they ran out of ideas because the movie is only 1h 15 mts long. It's a lot less surprising than the previous V/H/S movies. And simply not interesting. But I must say that I did have a couple of' 'auch'-moments (the guy who is dragged behind the van) and also a couple of 'WTF'-moments (the other dimension penis (at least, I think that's what that was)).

IMDb score: 4,7/10
Our score: 5/10

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Flash Season 1 Episode 3: Things You Can't Outrun

5 second plot: This time The Flash is up against meta-human The Mist. This is a guy that kills people by changing himself into poisonous gas. The Star Lab team finally realizes they need a special prison. They've got a great basement to fit it in. But that means going back to a place filled with terrible memories.

5 second review: Will it always be a fight with a meta-human? Because I think we need a bit more variation. By the way: 'the win' is a bit meager this time. Their prison system is not very practical. How are they going to feed these super-villains? Is it okay to put them in a cage without a trial? What's up with the Star Lab boss? It's a bit much. Lots of questions, but I'm still liking it.

IMDb score: 8,6/10
Our score: 7/10

See No Evil 2 is not very spectacular

5 second plot: It's Amy's birthday and her friends throw her a surprise party at work. Which is a morgue. She had to work overtime to process the victims of a brutal serial killer. The killer himself was also brought in. One of Amy's friends pisses the dead guy off so badly, that he wakes up and continues his killing spree.

5 second review: The posture of the killer is awesome. This is one big dude. The performances of the other actors are pretty decent. But it's not a very good slasher movie. There's simply not very much going on. And everything that does happen, is so classic that it's a bit boring. This could had been resolved with a huge gorefest, but that also doesn't happen.

IMDb score: not yet available on posting date
Our score: 3/10

Monday, October 20, 2014

The Big Bang Theory Season 8 Episode 6: The Expedition Approximation

5 second plot: Now that Penny's got a job and a car that came with it, she sold the car she got from Leonard. She wants to give him the money back but he doesn't want it. The discussion about the money spirals totally out of control (even sucking Howard and Bernadette into the abyss). Raj and Sheldon want to test how long they would keep their cool in a mine.

5 second review: Yes, we knoooooow you've got a job. This is a really boring, uninteresting and unfunny episode. Let's move on quickly.

IMDb score: 7,3/10
Our score: 2/10

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 2: Strangers

5 second plot: Everyone is back together again (well, almost). They are licking their wounds and trying to accept the past. They run into a man of god and find refuge in his church. Rick doesn't trust this guy one bit. They search the surroundings for supplies and try to get a bus up and running. Abraham wants to head for Washington as quickly as possible. But it seems that they still have a score left to settle first.

5 second review: Rick looks really determined and bad ass: he's the boss. It would be nice to see these guys catch a break now and then. They don't have to be battling the world all the time. There should be a light at the end of the tunnel. I am very curious to know what happened to Beth. I thought they had forgotten about her.

IMDb score: 9,3/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Friday, October 17, 2014

Extraterrestrial makes a good effort

5 second plot: April goes out to her parents' cabin in the woods with some friends. On their first night a spaceship crashes nearby. April shoots one of the aliens that survived the crash. And that really pisses the rest of them off.

5 second review: This is way better than I expected. It's pretty well done. Even the CGI is nice. The performances are solid. Three problems though. First: Michael Ironside takes it too far. Second: the story just keeps on going. The writers miss several opportunities to end it clean. Third: the aliens' ideology and capabilities should be more clear. Why would they do the stupid things they do if they have such great powers?

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 6/10

Wolves is one of the worst

5 second plot: Cayden finds out that he's a werewolf. He finds out the bad way: standing over the ripped apart corpses of his parents. Afraid to kill again, he moves around and avoids trouble as much as possible. But then he meets another wolf-man. And this guy points him in the direction of his real family.

5 second review: Someone should have told Jason Momoa that this movie was a bad idea for his career. This must be one of the worst werewolf movies if have ever seen in my life. The lead character looks more like a were-rabbit. Jason Momoa looks like a clown. It's ridiculous. Don't let the 'from the writer of" line fool you. Merritt Patterson looks awesome as the love interest though, that earns some points.

IMDb score: 5,5/10
Our score: 2/10

The Town That Dreaded Sundown is more like a sequel

5 second plot: In 1946 a serial killer was on the loose in the small town of Texarkana. They never caught the killer. And now the brutal killings start all over again. One girl is left alive, she has to make 'them remember'. But she doesn't know what that means. So she starts investigating the original murders.

5 second review: The killer is cool, the killings are good, the main character is solid, but something doesn't feel right. Not everything adds up. And when I found out who the killer was, I was really disappointed. Because it just doesn't make very much sense.

IMDb score: 5,6/10
Our score: 6,5/10

Fury is no walk in the park

5 second plot: World War II is coming to an end. 'But before it does, a lot more people gotta die.' Wardaddy is trying to keep an eye on his crew, his tank and everyone else. He's the best of the best. And he's about to get involved in the fight of his life.

5 second review: This is how it really was: ugly, nasty, gruesome, horrible,... Everyone's scared to death, tired of fighting and you can feel Wardaddy's pain, as he's cracking under the enormous weight of responsibility. The tension rises so high so often, that I kept my breath for half of the running time. This is an amazing movie. And tough as hell.

IMDb score: 8/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Birdman is something else

5 second plot: Riggan used to be a successful actor. He was The Birdman, which is sort of a superhero. Like Batman. Now he's trying to direct a play on Broadway. And he wants it very much to be a success. He wants to be great again. But his path to greatness isn't without obstacles.

5 second review: It's not just Michael Keaton that's awesome in this movie. It's everyone. It's a great script, it's got great dialogue and three quarters in it blew my mind. But I must say the no cuts trick didn't do it for me. I guess it's fresh, it's something you don't see every day. But it made me a bit seasick. Also, the camera is too close in everyone's face. Take a step back already, will ya?

IMDb score: 8,4/10
Our score: 8/10

Dear White People is boring and annoying

5 second plot: A college. Black students. White students. Yawn.

5 second review: Is this a comedy? Because I am not laughing. This is one of the most boring and annoying movies I have seen this year. And what's up with that terrible back-ground music? And there are too many words on the screen. I have to admit I didn't make it to the end of the movie. So it's possible that it gets better. But I had to stop watching because I was about to fling something towards the screen.

IMDb score: 6,3/10
Our score: 0/10

Men, Women & Children is not a comedy

5 second plot: This movie is about modern day parents who are on a head on collision with their modern day teenagers. And each other. And themselves.

5 second review: I know what you're thinking: this must be a comedy. Because Adam Sandler is in it. Well, it's not. It's all drama. Sad and awkward interrelationship drama. With an annoying narrator (sorry, ET). Oooh and I really hate Jennifer Garner's character. But I guess that is the whole idea. The performances are good and if you're into sad and awkward interrelationship drama, this is your Valhalla.

IMDb score: 6,5/10
Our score: 4/10