Friday, November 16, 1984

Night of the Comet doesn't have very much to say

















5 second plot: The comet that killed the dinosaurs millions of years ago passes by earth again. The tail of the comet turns every human (animals too I guess) into dust. Two sisters survive and try to make the best of it. Oh yeah, not everyone turns to dust. Some people change into (reasonably smart) zombies.

5 second review: This is very '80s. Especially the hair. And the soundtrack. There is not a lot going on in this movie. The girls take the end of civilization rather lightly. They're mostly having fun. Shopping and stuff. One way or another electricity just keeps working. Traffic lights and everything.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 3/10


Sunday, September 23, 1984

Threads is not very uplifting





















5 second plot: What would happen to the world in case of a global nuclear war? It would suck. Big time. This is the un-romanticized tale of that event. The real deal. Not very pretty.

5 second review: The film is poorly made and is very outdated. But that actually doesn't matter. The message still gets through. Loud and clear. One stupid decision and in the blink of an eye the entire world is down the shitter. This is a must see. Really.

IMDb score: 7,9/10
Our score: 8,5/10

Friday, August 10, 1984

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension is a whole lot of WTF













5 second plot: Buckaroo Banzai is a multi-talented almost-superhero. He found a way to contact alien life forms in the 8th dimension. But his contact sets off a chain of events that could destroy the world.

5 second review: The title is awesome, there's no discussion there. The aliens are awful. The movie is just terrible. You're only going to like this if you like over-acted 80's extravaganza. It's supposed to be funny (I think that was the idea), but it's not. I was intrigued at first (mostly due to the title) but that didn't last very long.

IMDb score: 6,4/10
Our score: 2/10


Friday, July 13, 1984

The Last Starfighter is clumpsy















5 second plot: Alex is a guy who's very good at playing the video game 'Starfighter'. What he doesn't know is that this video game is used as a recruiting device for real starfighters who have to defend a group of planets far away from earth. One day Alex gets a visit from Centauri who's there to help him fulfill his destiny.

5 second review: The special effects are really awful and most of the alien creatures are awful as well. The sets and some of the props are memorable, but still not very spectacular. The only time the movie feels like a lot of fun is when Alex (or his replacement) is back on earth. But he doesn't spend much time there.

IMDb score: 6,7/10
Our score: 4/10


Friday, October 14, 1983

Possession is an old cow

















5 second plot: A husband and wife stop getting along and things get out of hand. I'm just making this up because I didn't get past the 15 minute mark.

5 second review: The overacting and outdated scenery drove me crazy. I'm sorry, but for my own safety, I turned it off after 14 minutes. The movie really sucked big time. For me, that is.

IMDb score: 7/10
Our score: 0/10

Thursday, July 7, 1983

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life is nuts
















5 second plot: The guys from Monthy Python give us their take on the meaning of life. They cover everything: birth, education, religion, war, projectile vomiting,...

5 second review: The first half of the movie feels like these nutcases know what they are doing. They really seem to want to get a message out. Hold a mirror in front of us. But then they start fucking around. Probably had a few drinks too many and start throwing crazy shenanigans in our direction. The story stops making any sense. It's like they were testing how far they could take it before someone stopped them. But no-one did. The movie just went out like that. It's fun, but I think it was more fun for them than it is for us.

IMDb score: 7,6/10
Our score: 7/10


Friday, June 17, 1983

Fanny and Alexander are not really the main characters

















5 second plot: The kids from the title are part of a big warm family with a kind grandmother leading them all in the right direction. But not all is good. One of her sons dies and his widow remarries a terrible man that can't keep up his appearances very long and starts to bully her and her children.

5 second review: My god, this movie lasts forever... And nothing really happens in it. The cinematography, sets and some back stories are okay, but for the most part I couldn't stop thinking how incredibly boring and stupid I thought this movie was. There is very little entertainment value. I can't believe this movie won the foreign language Oscar. But I'm glad I sat through it. However stupid I thought it was, it's still a classic must see.

IMDb score: 8,2/10
Our score: 2/10



Friday, May 20, 1983

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone is terrible
















5 second plot: A spaceship explodes, three woman survive in an escape pod, they crash land and are kidnapped by the locals. Interstellar adventurer Wolff goes after them, to the rescue, but mostly for the reward. He picks up a local girl who shows him the way.

5 second review: This entire movie is one big horrible visual effect. Why bother making a sci-fi movie if you don't have any idea what you're doing?

IMDb score: 5,2/10
Our score: 0/10


Friday, February 4, 1983

The Entity is heavy shit
















5 second plot: A beautiful young woman is brutally raped by an invisible entity. Is she losing her mind or is this thing for real?

5 second review: This movie grabs you by the throat from the get go and doesn't let go until the end credits roll. It's gruesome to see this woman being tormented but it's brilliantly filmed and portrayed. Special kudos to the sound mixer: this guy is intense.

IMDb score: 6,6/10
Our score: 9/10


Monday, December 6, 1982

Gandhi is one hell of a biography

















5 second plot: It's the biography of the man in the title, from his young years as a lawyer in South Africa to his death in his motherland India. He wanted the world to be a better place, with everyone living peacefully side by side. He conquered a lot of hearts and made the world a little bit better by being who he was.

5 second review: I could almost not believe that everything in the movie really actually happened. But shamefully... it did. It is an amazing story and it couldn't have been told better. But he is pictured as a bit of a drama queen, no? The clothes, the walk, the talk,... Did I just call this amazing man a drama queen? Sorry 'bout that.

IMDb score: 8,1/10
Our score: 5/10